doing things our way

I've witnessed all your acts of tradition
your 'cultural' values, your quiet hatred
that screams down the walls every saturday morning
my anxious heart beating wildly, a sickening tension

I lost all my appetite as a child, it's gone for good
from gagging on soaking cereal every morning
back in the day when your joint insanity made me cry
and sob and exhausted my body I vomited for all the guilt

let my children always know that they were borne out of love
and not some kind of badly thought out mistake.
and we young things will revel in all our love in this moment
without the labels, ceremonies or expected waiting
we explore our deepest, beautiful desires because we can
partially for fear that someday... we may end up just like you

but NO, never, we will always be free, pacts we made at 16
we'll run, we'll walk away, we'll search for what is better
not what is easier, what we are expected to bear
we will take our children and flee if our
love turns to fear
men into monsters
affection into abuse
passion into rage
hearts into tiny fragments
dreams shattered, hope scattered
lonely footsteps in new lands
clouded by uncomfortable silence
everybody knows
nobody speaks

but we will roar if you cross us.
go ahead, i dare you to try.
we will fight and win.
we will leave.
or throw you out.

a shit-talker converted to soul.

people always talk about the death of music.

untalented pretty young things in frilly panties,
excuse my faltering key, while i flash my body,
this lyric is nonsensical, but check my flexibility
when all else fails i'll say 'are you feeling me?'

Haha. Feeling me up more like it.
Teenage boys needn't look too far for their latest dose of sexuality.
Or maybe we're all too bare and it leaves everybody wanting more?
Porn addiction, I tell you. It's like, happy hour, in a bar, all the time (but thanks to the internet it's all free).

Anyway, as usual I digress.

I think we should all get back to our roots.
John Legend sings 'let's get back to touching, we'll get back to solid ground'

Have you noticed? It's always the simple things- like eating a meal with friends, that you all helped to cook, or sitting around and singing together. It's that smiling face that opens the door when you come home at night, and the goodbye kiss when you leave in the morning. It's lazing around underneath (or in!) a tree and talking about everything and nothing. It's 4 hour phone calls, turning up the music REALLY loud when the house is empty, and dancing all the time. It's finding joy in what you do and going to sleep each night, EXCITED about the days to come.

It's really being honest to yourself and following your heart. It's stripping back all the paintwork, all the added bling and being bare to your own self and realising, we're all amazing, deep down. We're part of a collective soul and a collective heart. We're all trying to achieve the same things.
I say this a lot but, it's all about love, and all the different permutations of love. Running with your hands outstretched and accepting what has happened, without being too anxious about what will happen. You're only a failure if you believe that.

But maybe I'm just coming from an inspired place, because I know I haven't always felt this way, least of all in the last year. But there's always something to learn and something to gain- but only if you look for it.

You can't undermine the power of patience and positivity. Sometimes everything falls to shit, but all you can really do is-
Love (yourself, your family, your people, your job, your life), and the rest will follow.

Aloe Blacc- You Make Me Smile

Bliss

400 lectures of content crammed in a 80 mark mcq exam

No biggie.

Life is SO very beautiful. I'll study my ass off soon, I promise.

Here is a Beyonce song that sums up how I feel perfectly.

Love on Top.




I'm losing track of time <3

How it is.

Now I'm vulnerable

So if you break my heart

There's no going back

In a couple years

I might reminisce

And I might miss you

But once we call it quits

You won't get another chance

So don't be too surprised.

when you try to hold me

I will always pull away.


Whoever you might be and whoever you are to me, you'll be the one and only.

Desire.

Good sound production is like decent sex.

Even if it's totally lacking in lyrical sensibility.

I love words and I love subtlety (just in case you didn't already know).

I love how people are able to use poetry to infer ideas, emotions and ideas.

I almost always pick love over lust.

But every so often you get a good bass line that overpowers everything else and it's easy to turn a blind eye to the lack of intelligence, or connection, or beauty in the words (let's just extend that to also being able to turn a blind eye to the lack of these things in boys).

(No Church in the Wild- deception is the only felony, so don't fuck anybody without telling me)

At our core, we're all motivated by our animalistic instincts. I think we're taught by our parents and society to repress that for the sake of etiquette and to meet basic expectations.

That's probably what pushes people to indulge in alcohol, or drugs, to free themselves from all the barriers that we construct from the time we know how to talk.

Music is part of establishing connection- people go out to drink, to dance and to hook up because it's what they've wanted to do all week, while sitting behind desks, drowning in lecture slides and 'behaving appropriately.' We're accused by our elders of having 'first world problems'- supposedly those in poorer economic situations are less likely to do these things or be motivated by these things, trying instead to fill their stomachs and minds.

I beg to disagree. It's all animalistic. The difference is our bellies are already full and our basic needs are taken care of- so we're out searching to fulfill the next thing. A luxury maybe, to be able to chase lust and sense of identity, but any person in the world is running after the same things- food, water, shelter, comfort, sex, identity, meaning, success, power, freedom (usually in that order).

We're all the same underneath all the 'context' and the experience, religions and ideals. We really do all want the same basic things.

Sometimes we just need to get lost in a bass line, or in somebody's bed.

10+11

And in the spring,
I shed my skin and it blows away
with the changing wind

The waters turn
from blue to red
As towards the sky
I offer it.

This is a gift
it comes with a price
Who is the lamb, and
who is the knife?

When Midas is king
and he holds me so tight

turns me to G O L D
In the sunlight

-Florence and the Machine






Some songs are truly fate tunes. They resonate within you before their significance is made clear.

I could never growl, but I have such a roar.

Nightrider to Burwood

It's 4am, the city sleeps
the chaos of The Cross
Safely behind us, a bitter taste
From swallowing all my biting words
The men in all their drunken glory,
Offering us lifts, motivated by their dicks.


Cold and shivering
Woolworths apple, Townhall stop
The night-shift workers emerge,
Staring as if to say. Why are you here?
When you could be home, could be warm
We clamber aboard one by one, all alone


Young people, drunk people, stoned
Huddled on a dirty looking seat
The stench of the man beside me
As he breathes down my neck,
prodding my thigh with his dirty nails
I freeze. He waits, then turns away


Remind me again, where the glamour was supposed to be?
Because in this so called freedom, I'm trapped.
In a rattling bus, on flickering Sydney streets, next to a man
Who probably doesn't remember his own name.


Here's a song by the Wombats- Tokyo
The first time I heard it I thought he was singing-'If you really love me, let me go back to my whore in Tokyo'


In a study slump, where my dreams are far more enticing than memorising the muscles of the lower limb. When I have time, I'll write them all down.

Pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

I enjoy this song by Foster The People.


My thought for today stems from a relationship that has become uncomfortable and vapid. I've experienced relationships end before- but this one has left me uneasy. As always it comes down to making yourself vulnerable to someone once, and watching all of that come apart slowly. Or maybe I'm being paranoid and crazy. I really don't know.

11 days. I can wait 11 days.