Blurred lines between Night and Morning.

Well it's 3AM and it's been a while since I've been here (3AM by Matchbox 20)

So what better to do than to write? My head is swimming in medicine, as it does for one week, every 8 weeks in a semester. And, there's a bit of music, a bit of desire and a bit of unjustified satisfaction. So i'd say aside from the slight ache in my left temple, I'm pretty content.

I think I'm going to spend the Summer, or the next year, or the rest of my life seeing what makes me tick.
It occured to me today, I'm not entirely sure what the life plan is. I mean, I could give you a fairly rough, boring draft if need be, but there's a pretty big world out there. And while I'm a pretty little person there's a lot of it I would like to see.

Something else came up in our non-study related conversation.
The soul.
What is it?
Apparently someone measured the soul's weight by weighing a person ante and post-mortem but I have a suspicion the slight difference could be due to exhalation of air.
So perhaps it's not a physical mass that we can attempt to measure.

I think Soul can be found in expression. Because it's so beyond consciousness. People find thoughts and feelings they were possibly unaware of through expression. Through music, writing, whatever passion you have that allows to you invest a small part of your being. It's important to have a driving force. Not just a talent, gift, or something you work damn hard at to do well in. Something that lets you show WHO you are.

Even if it's the way you express yourself to the people you love, which I suppose is the most important communication there is. We mostly love people for who they are. Being mistaken about them is therefore a very disappointing thing, especially once you realise you LOVE them no matter who they are. Like, the point of no return, where you're not sure if your guided by tolerance, acceptance or denial. That and falling out of love (which can occur before or after your realisations). But hey, experience means evolution right?

I've decided I don't mind making a couple non-catastrophic mistakes in my life. So long as I don't make them twice and I can eventually see the silver lining (key word here is EVENTUALLY) then it's all ok. Building up bits of knowledge, accumulating and discarding the flaws that make you a human being. Evolution in one sentence perhaps? Who knows.

Because really we don't know much, if anything at all, and some questions will always be circulating. The philosophers will think of new theories, the tenets of all religions will give their own explanations and argue and argue and argue. Maybe we should just love to the core of our stomachs. Because if anything exists it's love. Even if we all wake up one day and realise our entire existance has been a long dream or a sitcom television show. You felt what you felt no matter what.

Ho hum.

Crave You. Flight Facilities.

The girl in the clip is both weird and hot. Pretty much perfect, I'd say. Except for the snake...
Anyway, I want her shorts.

The guy in the clip looks nice while he eats.

I think I may be a little delirious. Delirium is a funny word. Wonder what I'd be like blogging drunk.
Maybe this is due to my panadol intake?
But anyway, I like the following line from the song.


I simply want him more, because he looks the other way.


Such a conundrum.

Me: Who are you fb-stalking?
Person one: Mr. X
Person two: She's looking at his friends.
Person one: No! No! Our mutual friends

'Awwwww so cute! He was such a cute baby!'
'I'm actually getting freaked out...'
'Oh really? Dont be freaked out. I'm not actually like this.'
'Girls are scary.'

'she's really cute, but she hates her nose'

'Ohhhhhh she's going to make a folder of things we say and blackmail uuuuuuuuuuuuus!'

'Where are the good looking asian boys?'

'He was so cute when he was little... then he grew :( '

'that's a really nice bra'

Quotes.

'Are you reeeeally going to get over him?'
'Why get over him when you can get under him....'

'I don't want to bring him down... Not yet'

'That must be hard for him'

'OOOOH! Kav! Can I use your fb to stalk Mr X?'

10 minutes of 'do you think he's cute conversation' aaaaaaand you get this:

'Fatties. Like, fatties who get buff are the best'

'Oh... HELLO! Is that a picture of Mr. X?'
'Umm... how did you pick him out of such a big photo?'

'Curly hair, but not like, weird hair.'


Oh dear.

Epiphanies while studying.

So. This happened 5 minutes ago.

We were discussing the lifetime of studying, work and sleep-deprivation ahead of us. And inevitably the conversation turned to juggling families on top of it all.

And ultimately what young female doctors need is this:

'A butler. Who you can have sex with.'

I have the coolest study buddy ever.

Far

It's a bit ridiculous when you feel a certain way and something falls into your lap and lets you explain everything that you couldn't, gives you words and phrases with which you can then articulate all the things that hang out in your own mind.

It's been a weird 24 hours.I was pretty close to calling it quits and spending the rest of the evening beneath the covers until I could forget all the things I have to do and all the things I do not understand, all the things I need to be.

And then arrives Regina Spektor- Far.

And she pulls me into troughs, into depths I didn't know I had and then pushes me back into the sunlight and tells me to smile. I remember there are things that I forgot. And I remember there are people willing to listen to me if I ask them to. An amazing kind of love.

So here it is. Utmost respect to people who can express the things I cannot. Add in an amazing voice and musical prowess and you have a potent person. I would like to be a potent person.

So we made the hard desicion, and we each made an incision...
Saw our hearts were little stones...
so we beat them up until they sparked.

you spent half your life trying to fall behind,
your ears in your headphones, to drown out your mind
it was so easy and the words so sweet
you can't remember, you try to move your feet

the boys and girls watch each other eat
when they really just wanna watch each other sleep

hold in your breath, till you thought it through you fool

dont let me out of this kiss
dont let me say what i say
the things that scare us today
what if they happen someday

you thought by now you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you have come so far.

I wish I could have written it first. I really wish I could have.

Luxurious.

Lots of studying...

And right now, I can't help but to look forward to being 25.
Young, independant and relatively study-free.

Though I'm sure new pressures will take their toll.

But until then, listen to This. Because when I am 25, it will be my theme song.
Egyptian cotton baby ;)