10+11

And in the spring,
I shed my skin and it blows away
with the changing wind

The waters turn
from blue to red
As towards the sky
I offer it.

This is a gift
it comes with a price
Who is the lamb, and
who is the knife?

When Midas is king
and he holds me so tight

turns me to G O L D
In the sunlight

-Florence and the Machine






Some songs are truly fate tunes. They resonate within you before their significance is made clear.

I could never growl, but I have such a roar.

Nightrider to Burwood

It's 4am, the city sleeps
the chaos of The Cross
Safely behind us, a bitter taste
From swallowing all my biting words
The men in all their drunken glory,
Offering us lifts, motivated by their dicks.


Cold and shivering
Woolworths apple, Townhall stop
The night-shift workers emerge,
Staring as if to say. Why are you here?
When you could be home, could be warm
We clamber aboard one by one, all alone


Young people, drunk people, stoned
Huddled on a dirty looking seat
The stench of the man beside me
As he breathes down my neck,
prodding my thigh with his dirty nails
I freeze. He waits, then turns away


Remind me again, where the glamour was supposed to be?
Because in this so called freedom, I'm trapped.
In a rattling bus, on flickering Sydney streets, next to a man
Who probably doesn't remember his own name.


Here's a song by the Wombats- Tokyo
The first time I heard it I thought he was singing-'If you really love me, let me go back to my whore in Tokyo'


In a study slump, where my dreams are far more enticing than memorising the muscles of the lower limb. When I have time, I'll write them all down.

Pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

I enjoy this song by Foster The People.


My thought for today stems from a relationship that has become uncomfortable and vapid. I've experienced relationships end before- but this one has left me uneasy. As always it comes down to making yourself vulnerable to someone once, and watching all of that come apart slowly. Or maybe I'm being paranoid and crazy. I really don't know.

11 days. I can wait 11 days.

1/11/11

We all grow old and numb
You walked away and left me crying
repeating to myself 'i used to be so raw'
thinking the problem was only you

But we all grow old and numb
Shelve away our tattered dreams and
Accept our new realities, with hope
Or fear, with grounded mistrust in everything

You can't wear your heart
on torn sleeves, ripped apart by
bureaucratic bullies, breaking you with subtlety
Understanding now, what they meant

When your parents said 'the big bad world'
It's all downhill from here on in
Disaster sewn into a pre-written sequence
study, career, marriage, children, unhappiness, death.

Or maybe this is momentary.
I'll probably wake up tomorrow with a song in my heart and wind beneath my wings.
And if not, I am a master of pretence.

Don't get too comfortable.

I'm not comfortable.

I'm uncomfortable.

But it's really not the worst thing.

I'm about to jump into the deep end.

And I'm not going to sink.

I'm going test myself and the life I've built.

Putting our hand-made boat into the water,

We're all going to float.



But for now, J. Holiday can put me to bed

We're just ordinary people.

I'm not sure where your draw a line between weakness and hope. You would think that the courage hope takes would automatically draw it away from weakness, but that's just not true. Hope often travels with ignorance.

I never would have realised,
if time and time again,
the wrong person hadn't arrived
at the perfectly right time
and told me that everything would be okay.

If I hadn't caught myself
laughing in the middle
of the wet, winter streets, joy
despite the fact that everything
had slowly started to go wrong.

Because, ultimately I remember me
and I'll start all over again
I fell asleep, deciding, you
would call all the shots from here on in
It doesn't make sense.

I can't face myself just yet
but it's just easier, isn't it
to just admit you were wrong
dont take a moment to hesitate
dont realise the lie before you've said it.

It's easier than having to explain
to legions of people who
couldn't really give a damn
but for some reason, to whom
you are held accountable
for whom you will continue to bend.

'We look at each other wondering what the other is thinking, but we never say a thing.'




- I wrote this over 4 months ago. I'm posting it today. A reminder not to allow History to repeat itself.

I wanna get closer to you, baby.

I've had my fair share of fate tunes.

It's funny how songs called 'Closer' seem to find a place in my head/heart.

When I was 15/16 it was Closer by Ne-Yo. Not much to say, except that I once danced with a boy at the school dance to this song, and I remember feeling very nervous and somewhat confused. It was either this, or 'Because of you.' Either way, I was nervous.
I do love Ne-Yo though, but I'm quite certain I didn't fully understand the song at the time.

When I was 17/18 it was Closer by Travis. This song still hurts sometimes to listen to, because it reminds me of a person I used to be. I miss her sometimes, and I'm not always sure if I'm on the right trajectory, but I'm content with who I've become, most days. I've had rose-coloured notions about love and what that means, immature ones too.
break my heart what does it matter i knew love.
Oh no wait, I'm all broken, and I cry all the time.
fuck.
I think that can only happen once. Or at the very least, I hope it only happens once.

But this one reminds me of summer days, sunshine, sitting beneath trees and laying on the beach.
It reminds me of freedom, love, passion and beautiful, new people (who have now become beautiful, comfortable people).
It makes me close my eyes and sway, and become totally lost for a few minutes.
Closer by Corinne Bailey Rae