A rundown of my day:
-7am swim. AMAZING, though it did rain
-Lectures
-A Prac, where I was able to use sexual innuendo to succeed in a memory game and win chocolate
-An attempt at studying- we actually ate noodles and talked about Harry Potter/Pokemon
-More super times semi-studying
-Watching Boston legal and then last night's episode of Offspring (i missed it to eat incredible ice cream)
-Typing this in the dark, listening to Feel Good Inc.
-Brilliant and carefree.
Only two weeks till EOC. fml.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Days, days, days.
Major salt-water spillage. And no, I did not go to the beach.
Why?
Not sure. All I know is that I am now listening to this song on repeat.
Beautiful to be home.
Seems I find myself searching for clarity. Not going to find it in salty water, that's for sure.
Why?
Not sure. All I know is that I am now listening to this song on repeat.
Beautiful to be home.
Seems I find myself searching for clarity. Not going to find it in salty water, that's for sure.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Lucas dear, why is your book-bag full of tulips?
Sooo... chilling in the library. Being productive and all.
Anyways listening to a lupe favourite. It's basically an embodiment of summer, young love and optimism, all things I have supreme adoration for. And He Gets The Girl
Med talent-quest was last night. Amazing! There are so many things people could be doing instead of Medicine. But during the intermission I met two people who had Just passed their final exams in sixth year. Firstly, I felt impressed they'd made it that far. Because I find it hard to see beyond the next exam, let alone beyond uni. We talked about how it's like going through highschool all over again, and right now I'm that little year 7 kid, mucking around and having fun before Life Gets Serious. BUT! that's important!
The luxury of time, opportunity and being surrounded by incredible people. I feel like submerging myself in textbooks right now would be something I'd regret later. OR I could just be justifying my lack of attentiveness right now :P Either way, I love youth. But I will also love being old, and having time to look back, repeating the same stories over and over again. In lectures today, this wonderful 86-year old man spoke to us about his experiences, and had an amazing sense of humour and positive outlook on life. That's a pretty good way to be.
Enjoy the sunshine, revel in the gorgeousness of being.
Kavi :)
Anyways listening to a lupe favourite. It's basically an embodiment of summer, young love and optimism, all things I have supreme adoration for. And He Gets The Girl
Med talent-quest was last night. Amazing! There are so many things people could be doing instead of Medicine. But during the intermission I met two people who had Just passed their final exams in sixth year. Firstly, I felt impressed they'd made it that far. Because I find it hard to see beyond the next exam, let alone beyond uni. We talked about how it's like going through highschool all over again, and right now I'm that little year 7 kid, mucking around and having fun before Life Gets Serious. BUT! that's important!
The luxury of time, opportunity and being surrounded by incredible people. I feel like submerging myself in textbooks right now would be something I'd regret later. OR I could just be justifying my lack of attentiveness right now :P Either way, I love youth. But I will also love being old, and having time to look back, repeating the same stories over and over again. In lectures today, this wonderful 86-year old man spoke to us about his experiences, and had an amazing sense of humour and positive outlook on life. That's a pretty good way to be.
Enjoy the sunshine, revel in the gorgeousness of being.
Kavi :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Home.
I was thinking of something to post.
And I found this. Something I wrote after my first trip to India with my mum when I was 15. Prior to that we had been to Sri Lanka. The monsoons began as we were travelling home in a little rickshaw, that promptly collected puddles of water. The whole right side of my body became drenched and the intensity of the heat finally cooled down. It was July, and we were towards the end of one of the most intense months I have ever experienced. Four years later and a part of me aches for a place I barely know. I guess that's a sense of belonging. As nomadic as my life has been, sometimes I wonder if there's a Motherland to which I belong. Some small corner where I can house a part of my soul. Here it is, entitled Monsoons.
The beauty of being drenched
In endless rain
In the midst of a hot indian sumer
In a little rickshaw
Threatening to fall to pieces
In the middle of the city of juxtaposition
Cold water seeps
through a cottong sari, clinging to
The girl, clinging to the boy on the scooter
Having lived away from home for a while now, one of the things I most miss are Saturdays. I never studied on Saturdays. I never did anything. I'd go to dance class early in the morning, and spend the rest of the day in a salwar kameez, reading newspapers, watching my mum cook/study, going for long walks, buying groceries, watching hindi movies and listening to music. I think for me, that's Home.
And now for your listening pleasure, some A.R. Rahman. A song he composed long before the success of Slumdog Millionare. Featuring Shah Rukk Khan, the nation's darling. Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera. Enjoy :)
And I found this. Something I wrote after my first trip to India with my mum when I was 15. Prior to that we had been to Sri Lanka. The monsoons began as we were travelling home in a little rickshaw, that promptly collected puddles of water. The whole right side of my body became drenched and the intensity of the heat finally cooled down. It was July, and we were towards the end of one of the most intense months I have ever experienced. Four years later and a part of me aches for a place I barely know. I guess that's a sense of belonging. As nomadic as my life has been, sometimes I wonder if there's a Motherland to which I belong. Some small corner where I can house a part of my soul. Here it is, entitled Monsoons.
The beauty of being drenched
In endless rain
In the midst of a hot indian sumer
In a little rickshaw
Threatening to fall to pieces
In the middle of the city of juxtaposition
Cold water seeps
through a cottong sari, clinging to
The girl, clinging to the boy on the scooter
Having lived away from home for a while now, one of the things I most miss are Saturdays. I never studied on Saturdays. I never did anything. I'd go to dance class early in the morning, and spend the rest of the day in a salwar kameez, reading newspapers, watching my mum cook/study, going for long walks, buying groceries, watching hindi movies and listening to music. I think for me, that's Home.
And now for your listening pleasure, some A.R. Rahman. A song he composed long before the success of Slumdog Millionare. Featuring Shah Rukk Khan, the nation's darling. Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera. Enjoy :)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Things I Learnt Today.
1. Sometimes it's better to just sleep, wake up late, and then start the day. Two extra hours seems to make a big difference to mood, food consumption and alertness.
2. I dont know how I used to carry heavy textbooks + laptop to school and back... My back hurts. I should probably see a physio.
3. The 'hang up!' 'No you hang up first' conversation may be silly and cliche, but it will invariably happen. Unless the other person needs to use the bathroom.
4. My 13-year old self was pretty cool, and had decent taste in music. I found the lyrics to this song in my email drafts... how random is that? I was probably love sick at the time, though I can't remember who the guy was. Looking back, I was such a dreamy kid. I guess in some ways, that hasn't really changed.
5. I really like anatomy. Like, for the first time I wasn't freaked out by the cadavers and now have new ambitions/interest. Yay!
6. Just because a reference text is big and formidable-looking, does not mean it contains relevant information.
7. Sydney has grown on me.
8. I have immediate love for people who feed me. Particularly if it's ice cream.
9. My mother is cool.
10. New perspectives are interesting. I have always equated respect with love. And I always believed that without respecting someone it was difficult to love them. But then I was forced to examine my life more closely, and ultimately you love people just because you do, and regardless of the mistakes they make. The key is, their choices might frustrate you, and on occassion it isn't worth sticking around to see the downfall. It just depends on how important they are to you. Again, that's kind of open to interpretation and evaluation depending on the dire-ness of said mistakes, but all lines become blurry when love is thrown into the mix.
11. It's important to pull your head out of the sand to look at the bigger picture.
12. I love seeing couples travelling home together on public transport, talking about their day or even sitting in silence. I'm pretty sure, at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the feeling of coming home to someone and somewhere you can call your own.
2. I dont know how I used to carry heavy textbooks + laptop to school and back... My back hurts. I should probably see a physio.
3. The 'hang up!' 'No you hang up first' conversation may be silly and cliche, but it will invariably happen. Unless the other person needs to use the bathroom.
4. My 13-year old self was pretty cool, and had decent taste in music. I found the lyrics to this song in my email drafts... how random is that? I was probably love sick at the time, though I can't remember who the guy was. Looking back, I was such a dreamy kid. I guess in some ways, that hasn't really changed.
5. I really like anatomy. Like, for the first time I wasn't freaked out by the cadavers and now have new ambitions/interest. Yay!
6. Just because a reference text is big and formidable-looking, does not mean it contains relevant information.
7. Sydney has grown on me.
8. I have immediate love for people who feed me. Particularly if it's ice cream.
9. My mother is cool.
10. New perspectives are interesting. I have always equated respect with love. And I always believed that without respecting someone it was difficult to love them. But then I was forced to examine my life more closely, and ultimately you love people just because you do, and regardless of the mistakes they make. The key is, their choices might frustrate you, and on occassion it isn't worth sticking around to see the downfall. It just depends on how important they are to you. Again, that's kind of open to interpretation and evaluation depending on the dire-ness of said mistakes, but all lines become blurry when love is thrown into the mix.
11. It's important to pull your head out of the sand to look at the bigger picture.
12. I love seeing couples travelling home together on public transport, talking about their day or even sitting in silence. I'm pretty sure, at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the feeling of coming home to someone and somewhere you can call your own.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Patience
You're mistaken if you think
I am out here begging,
waiting for you to unlock your heavy doors
and let me in, out of the cold.
Into a room, plastered with your stupid smile
covering the walls for all to see.
Dirt and debris swept under the carpets,
hidden under cupboards and stored away in jars.
Show me the wreckage,
your scars, bloody glass fragments,
torn remnants of fragile curtains.
Lay yourself bare.
And then I can help you to clean,
rebuild, repair and begin afresh.
And if I'm mistaken tell me so
I'm not afraid of being wrong about you.
I am out here begging,
waiting for you to unlock your heavy doors
and let me in, out of the cold.
Into a room, plastered with your stupid smile
covering the walls for all to see.
Dirt and debris swept under the carpets,
hidden under cupboards and stored away in jars.
Show me the wreckage,
your scars, bloody glass fragments,
torn remnants of fragile curtains.
Lay yourself bare.
And then I can help you to clean,
rebuild, repair and begin afresh.
And if I'm mistaken tell me so
I'm not afraid of being wrong about you.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Back To You.
So, after the madness that is Medshow (which was brilliant, btw) and a day of semi-study I find the same old demons resurfacing. Oddly enough, I haven't properly listened to music in weeks. Maybe even a month.
Which, for me is pretty much unnatural. Recently a friend said to me 'you LOVE music, you revel in it, live it, it's a part of you' So perhaps I've been away from myself for a little while. And while I was gone, I experienced old fears (which is frightening, let me assure you) and came to new realisations. I had a weird morning, consisting of sleep, partial sleep, a phone call, sad sleep, and then waking up wondering if it was all a dream.
Back again at the point where I ponder. And my ultimate destination is unknown, but at some point, my mental path will traverse upon Love. What is it? Studying the brain, I can tell you where emotions originate, the areas of the brain important for abstract thought and personality, but I cannot tell you what love is made of. They say oxytocin is important. The hugging hormone released in a mother's body as her child is born, and released after sex, supposedly instrumental to emotional bonding. Obviously that's not all... physical contact is probably one of the most basic components of love, but there is strength of heart that extends beyond the human world. How do you explain people's undying faith in a cosmic force that they will never be tangible to them while they live?
God. Sometimes I'm convinced there's something out there. Because when I listen to love songs, it's not always the face of a significant other than comes before me. 'You've got the Love I need to see me through.' What does that mean for me? My mum, my best friend, my boyfriend? I'm not sure it's any of those three. For a little while I thought it meant me and my own strength, but I don't see how my own love will get me through anything. I've always believed myself to be pretty self-sufficient. It's a security you get from knowing you don't need anyone. But is that true? Really, at the core of silence, loneliness and being. Is it weak to admit you need love to feel whole? And love from who? Maybe the security that comes with faith in religion is the feeling that there is someone or something out there who loves you when nobody else does. Maybe it prevents that feeling of loneliness. And I don't mean, it's quiet and nobody is here loneliness. I mean the feeling that no matter who strays across your path, ultimately you walk through life alone and the fears in your own heart cannot be consolidated by anyone but you.
What lies as the basis of detachment? Why do I find myself with unanswerable questions. There was a time where I was happy to fill my heart and head and existence with the presence of other people, and didn't consider alternatives. But the sum of experience made me grow, for better or worse I'm not entirely sure.
If I could spend the next week, month, year, lifetime figuring it out and falling into the swirls, patterns and pictures in my head I would, but life calls. So I leave you with four things:
1. The word 'sumptuous'
2. Back To You- John Mayer
3. Don't I Hold You- Wheat
4. Gravity- Sarah Bareilles
Which, for me is pretty much unnatural. Recently a friend said to me 'you LOVE music, you revel in it, live it, it's a part of you' So perhaps I've been away from myself for a little while. And while I was gone, I experienced old fears (which is frightening, let me assure you) and came to new realisations. I had a weird morning, consisting of sleep, partial sleep, a phone call, sad sleep, and then waking up wondering if it was all a dream.
Back again at the point where I ponder. And my ultimate destination is unknown, but at some point, my mental path will traverse upon Love. What is it? Studying the brain, I can tell you where emotions originate, the areas of the brain important for abstract thought and personality, but I cannot tell you what love is made of. They say oxytocin is important. The hugging hormone released in a mother's body as her child is born, and released after sex, supposedly instrumental to emotional bonding. Obviously that's not all... physical contact is probably one of the most basic components of love, but there is strength of heart that extends beyond the human world. How do you explain people's undying faith in a cosmic force that they will never be tangible to them while they live?
God. Sometimes I'm convinced there's something out there. Because when I listen to love songs, it's not always the face of a significant other than comes before me. 'You've got the Love I need to see me through.' What does that mean for me? My mum, my best friend, my boyfriend? I'm not sure it's any of those three. For a little while I thought it meant me and my own strength, but I don't see how my own love will get me through anything. I've always believed myself to be pretty self-sufficient. It's a security you get from knowing you don't need anyone. But is that true? Really, at the core of silence, loneliness and being. Is it weak to admit you need love to feel whole? And love from who? Maybe the security that comes with faith in religion is the feeling that there is someone or something out there who loves you when nobody else does. Maybe it prevents that feeling of loneliness. And I don't mean, it's quiet and nobody is here loneliness. I mean the feeling that no matter who strays across your path, ultimately you walk through life alone and the fears in your own heart cannot be consolidated by anyone but you.
What lies as the basis of detachment? Why do I find myself with unanswerable questions. There was a time where I was happy to fill my heart and head and existence with the presence of other people, and didn't consider alternatives. But the sum of experience made me grow, for better or worse I'm not entirely sure.
If I could spend the next week, month, year, lifetime figuring it out and falling into the swirls, patterns and pictures in my head I would, but life calls. So I leave you with four things:
1. The word 'sumptuous'
2. Back To You- John Mayer
3. Don't I Hold You- Wheat
4. Gravity- Sarah Bareilles
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