Definitive freedom

It's been a long break, almost 6 months in fact. And truly, I never meant to return. But then, break has more than one meaning.

For example:
1. To break something apart- implying it cannot be healed.
2. To take a break, a rest, a brief pause before resuming
3. To break a record- to surpass something, to outdo what has been done

Now that the English lesson is over, let's talk.

How have you been? How much taller did you grow in these months we've been apart? What have I missed? I must have missed so much. I might have missed something significant.

Is your life intact? Your home, your heart, your hope?

I would have apologised for my disappearance, but I'm not that sorry, and there's nothing worse than a false apology (except maybe a false allegation).

I guess it's the closest I've come to a long vacation. It was odd, reading through these old posts and trying to understand what I had been trying to say. How introspective! How diary-like. Maybe these long, rambling entries helped me to understand myself more than I had realised. Or maybe I'm a pretentious, overly-philosophical wank with too many first world problems to recognise that life is mostly grand. But not really, I look upon the lady of my past with affection and a loooooong list of recommendations I wish someone could have told me back then.

(By the way, I started a tumblr account, it wasn't the same). What followed from February the 8th was a series of days. Days that I have attached significance to became less significant. It's a curious affliction I have, attaching importance to the strangest of things in an effort to create my narrative, to find the peak, the hero's arc in my own story. But why peak so soon?! Enjoy the CLIMB!

'Whatever', you say. It's like when your teachers told you that Senior School would be the best time in your life and you didn't believe them. They were right though, weren't they? The climb is awesome. The not-knowing is awesome. It only starts to suck, and hurt, and get confusing when you think you've reached your destination.

 I'm a child, with a lot of time left to learn myself and the world around me. Before you go on, accept one thing. Everything changes. A constant state of divine chaos.

I am rooted but I flow.

I made a concrete decision tonight. I actually made two. The evidence of one is in my wallet (no it's not a condom or a piece of paper that says 'you are beautiful' or anything else quite so predictable),  the second is that I shall write. Properly.