Well this one has been a long time coming, and I fully intended to write a post about Home and holidays. But there have been a lot of thoughts buzzing around in my mind lately, and if there's anything I dislike it's that feeling of confusion. It starts stagnant, then begins to boil and become volatile.
Clarity. It's a beautiful word and a beautiful song by John Mayer (who I am going to talk about properly soon!)
Ever since I was a young kid, I've stayed awake at night to write my senseless thoughts on pieces of paper, scraps, receipts, anything really. There were times I wrote on my own arms, to remind myself of something that felt incredibly important in the morning. I can imagine being given a bare room and filling the walls with words and colours and expression. It may sound silly, but I often wish I could express the sound of music, and the way melodies and harmonies can change how I feel.
Which brings me to John Mayer. I know, I know, for all intents and purposes, he is believed to be a 'douche,' and has done a lot of things that can be described as stupid. And while I have wondered around before, profusely promising anyone that would listen, that one day I would marry him, my perspective has changed. And not because of the disasterous Playboy interview...
It occured to me, Love isn't wanting to be with someone because you idolise them, or because they can express what you're thinking or feeling. It's not even that feeling of intense connection because two people have shared similar experiences, though that helps to understand others.
And I guess that's what I think love is. The ability to understand someone, their fears, irrationalities, hopes, sadness, despair. To even understand that they don't want you, didn't, couldn't or can't. Or that once they've had their time with you, they may well walk out of your life, and that you will have to accept that.
I'm not a Buddhist, but there's a lot of sense behind the whole idea of detachment, detached love and kindness. I used to think this branch of thought was just Cold. How can you Love someone, and look upon them with detachment, without feeling intense hurt, or pain, or even joy? For now the answer is, because that makes Love. Chances are my mind will change again, or I'll discover some other explanation. It's not too important, because everyone knows, nobody knows what love really is. I can however, quite happily say that I have known love. We have been good friends. We've had fantastic arguments, and we've built walls and avoided each other. There's been a lot of doubt. But Love is always there.
And the reason I admire (Note: admire, not love, or lust over, or secretly want in my bedroom) John Mayer is because he has that ability to express things beautifully in his words and his song. And that's something I truly truly wish I could sit and dedicate my life to developing and fine-tuning. Unfortunately, thus far life hasn't granted me the chance to sit in a recording studio and make enough money to put bread (or rice) on the table. That's not to say, I may not just wake up one day and choose a fork in the road. However, Life has given me plenty of other, wonderful things. And when I hear music, particularly Mr. Mayer's I am reminded that beauty exists, and that no matter how loud the buzzing is inside my mind, moments of clarity, and freedom, and happiness are around the corner.
As I sit here typing this, I have been listening to my favourite Musician. And as always, he leaves me feeling content and hopeful. I like that :) And so dear reader, I plan on sleeping now, having drained my mind of tonight's thoughts. If you are curious about Mr. Mayer's Musical Magic, ask me and I shall link a few songs that are not well-known but wonderful nonetheless.
Goodnight :)
A quote I quite like: 'Approach Love and Cooking with Wreckless Abandon' The Dalai Lama
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