I miss being awake like this. In another time, this is when I would compose, music, words, anything. Nocturnality brings with it a different energy.
Living in a block of student apartments, it's rare to see the majority of lights from the rooms opposite mine turned off.
And in a city that never sleeps, rarer still to feel like you are the only one awake, experiencing the sky at it's darkest. Ungodly hours that few trespass upon on a Tuesday morning.
And as always, there is a song.
I'm not sure if it's possible for the sky to be so devoid of shades, viscous and enthralling that is seems blinding in it's darkness. But that's how it seems.
Lately I've been thinking a lot, falling into the trap of overthinking at times and this night-air clarity comes at the right time. Everyone goes through second-guessing, insomnia, sleeplessness, exhaustion, regret. We all exist in our little pools of pain, and sadness at times. Darkness has always carried with it, negative connotations, the absence of light symbolic of the absence of God. A remnant of death... a reminder perhaps that there are times when all we are enveloped by is our own uncertainty- clinging, syrupy blackness.
But darkness brings silence, and empty hours that can be filled alone, whether that be within our dreaming minds or awake amongst books and thoughts. Hours stolen during daylight interacting in the lives of others and weaving our paths closer and closer together, with the night our only time of loneliness. And sometimes you need to be alone.
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in a garden
No more dreaming like a girl, so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl, so in love with the wrong world.
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