And it begins

The summer is almost over, and I am once more packing up parts of my life, and mentally preparing myself for Year 2 of 7. Starting emptying out the contents of my wardrobe and desk and sorting through it all. Almost finished reading all of my novels, and already having had my first 'last minute freakout studying' dream, I'd say I'm as ready as I'll ever be.


The past few months have not been without heartache and confusion and reinvention. It's amazing how much you realise once you step away from a place/situation and look at it objectively. There are some things I no longer like, and some that I have more appreciation for than ever before.

And how much you realise you have missed when you go back home and back to your roots.


Here is a list:
-my family
-going for walks with my mum
-the constant sound of music
-a full fridge! FOOD!
-the sound of my family getting ready in the morning
-noise
-my big bed
-living near a lake
-living near friends
-my bookshelf. Oh so much.
-Bollywood movies, I don't watch them much in Sydney, because the songs make me cry
-driving
-my job, and the kids I tutor

And obviously it's no Utopia. But there's a certain loneliness I get to escape when I'm here. No matter what's happening, I'm not spending my evenings and nights eating alone in my own little world. And I realise, that's sounds a little bit sad and pathetic, but sometimes that's how it feels. It makes me wonder, how many people are in my life out of necessity, and how many because my life is truly enriched by them.

But, ultimately, in 4 days I will be gone again. That's the inevitable truth Kavita. And yes, I'm going to be homesick for a little while, but I'm sure I'll settle into my old routines. But maybe I won't forget what I'm leaving behind quite so quickly. I come from a tiny family. We all play some vague, chaotic part in holding it all together. Chances are, you're more instrumental to the functioning ability of your family, than you think. And love you're born into most often, runs deeper than anything you create. Easy to forget, important not to.

So, What have I learnt this Summer?

I have learnt that I am stubborn. I have learnt that I need more confidence, self-assurance, and a grounding force. I have learnt that I am blessed, to have all the people that I do. I have learnt that the future is mine to write.

I have learnt that I am fluid. That I am open to change, and this is a good thing. I have learnt that I oscillate between trusting too much, and trusting too little. I have learnt, that I repress anger, there are many things that I need to let go of. I have learnt how to be healthy, the value of sleep. I have remembered what drives me. I have regained optimism. I have regained clarity, and I have hope.