futility

You're such an odd thing
You crave it so much
When it comes before you,
You become anxious with fear

Dreams of lifetimes spent
Engulfed, Immersed, Full
With the feeling of it,
Wishes you could have it

But when you do
Your heart sinks, words fail
It becomes too cloying,
starts clawing away at you

You're paralysed by it
and in that very same moment
you fantasise ways, means, methods
to grasp it tight, so you can revel

So you can fall in love
With yourself again, once you find it
It's a game of desire and yearning
And chance. Playing with your fears.

It's all you need
It's all you have to ask for
It will complete you
You've known this for so long

You cower, you hide, you pretend to be invisible
It's the only thing you want, and all you are afraid of.