Well.
It's been about a month since I last wrote, which is odd because November had me very blog-crazy. And my neglect isn't so much due to the ample time I now have and the fact that I no longer need a procrastination outlet, but also because I have needed time to think. The last few posts back there were getting a little bit haywire, with no head, tail, or middle really. Reading them back again made me realise I was lacking clarity. There is nothing that makes me feel more uncomfortable...
So I figure, it's best to start the new year with a clear mind. And after spending the afternoon cleaning to the sound of 'Where the Light Is' I'm feeling pretty ok.
I think 2010 has been one of, if not THE biggest year of my life. We were so wrong thinking year 12 was the ultimate struggle. This year has brought with it a lot of confusion, challenges, sadness, more confusion, love and friendship. It felt like one of those in-between years that aren't huge, but are hugely important in getting you to wherever you want to go.
Granted, I made a fair few mistakes, I do have regrets, but at the same time I learnt more about myself than I expected to, and I have learnt the importance of examining life a little bit closer at times, as well as the importance of ignoring finer details. I have learnt that hurting, and being hurt by those you love is an unfortunate inevitable reality, and you have to figure out how to deal with the aftermath. I have learnt that I need more guidance than I allow myself to think. I've learnt I can be alarmingly self-sufficient at times. I've experienced new kinds of loneliness, in the centre of a crowd, and in an empty room. I know I'm not quite there yet... but I'd like to think I'm on the right track. That, said, I'm nervous as all hell for what's to come, but quietly excited too.
So, for 2011, I have a few simple resolutions:
1. To be on time
2. To eat breakfast
3. To give myself space
and finally,
4. To smile
They aren't insane, and I reaaally hope I manage to stick to them especially the first one, but I think there's plenty of merit in taking baby steps.
So, good luck to all of you for all the years ahead. Let's hope 2011 brings fulfillment, happiness and love :)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground.
God the beauty of words. Of art. Of expression. There are films, scenes and songs that I will watch and listen to over and over again. Not for the sake of memory or repetition, but to be moved. To know that there is more than this day to day drudgery. To escape the mediocrity of existence when it becomes too difficult to examine insecurity and fear.
There's a part of me that just wants to create something beautiful, something thought-provoking, something so ugly in it's honesty.
Something to expose.
The flaws of humanity, the inevitable nature of death and the unpredictability of love.
The unstable and rocky terrain we build all our fragile little dreams on, in the hope that somehow, something will let it all hold together.
The reality is life will break you. It will happen suddenly, but it will be ongoing too. Life is not meant to be easy but everything that is flawed possesses something worthy of examination.
Just as the earth brings, hurricane, storm and unrest, it reveals clarity, brightness and colour.
Is that balance? Life and death, happiness and sadness, love and everything that is not love. Once you remove all the intensity and the passion and violent anger.
Once you remove even your fickle dreams and misgivings and old fears
In the end all we want is to
be satisfied.
There's a part of me that just wants to create something beautiful, something thought-provoking, something so ugly in it's honesty.
Something to expose.
The flaws of humanity, the inevitable nature of death and the unpredictability of love.
The unstable and rocky terrain we build all our fragile little dreams on, in the hope that somehow, something will let it all hold together.
The reality is life will break you. It will happen suddenly, but it will be ongoing too. Life is not meant to be easy but everything that is flawed possesses something worthy of examination.
Just as the earth brings, hurricane, storm and unrest, it reveals clarity, brightness and colour.
Is that balance? Life and death, happiness and sadness, love and everything that is not love. Once you remove all the intensity and the passion and violent anger.
Once you remove even your fickle dreams and misgivings and old fears
In the end all we want is to
be satisfied.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
We don't sleep when the sun goes down, we don't waste no precious time.
I just read something that worked like a blow across my entire body and I'm just a tad stunned. I'd put it here but I can't. It's amazing and frightening at the same time.
The thing is, I have to learn to trust my gut feeling. Intuition, whatever.
Actually that's the problem with a lot of people. You cut things down, rationalise them, justify your each and every individual action and then piece it together and all of the magic is gone.
Which isn't to say you sit around like a lazy schmuck and just do whatever comes to you without thinking about what it means or how it will affect those around you. Mindfulness perhaps? I don't know, I don't have the mental capacity to think about it too much right now.
I'm just saying. I should listen to myself more.
Anyway, new song (of many to come). Teenage Crime by Adrian Lux. Perfect for the current climate, and the theme song for Channel V's current ad. But I love it to pieces. A little piece of advice: If you feel like now is the time to call someone up after forever, DO it. You might find what you were looking for. You might not, I make no guarantees. But you won't lose anything.
I'm starting to step into the 'anything is possible' tornado and just seeing where that takes me. I feel like I have limited time as a young, carefree thing. I don't want to spend it in any kind of inner or outer turmoil. Life is too short for bullshit and it's far too short for games. It's too short to waste making other people happy in exchange for fake acceptance.
Time to be honest, a little reckless and to live with vitality and vibrance.
The thing is, I have to learn to trust my gut feeling. Intuition, whatever.
Actually that's the problem with a lot of people. You cut things down, rationalise them, justify your each and every individual action and then piece it together and all of the magic is gone.
Which isn't to say you sit around like a lazy schmuck and just do whatever comes to you without thinking about what it means or how it will affect those around you. Mindfulness perhaps? I don't know, I don't have the mental capacity to think about it too much right now.
I'm just saying. I should listen to myself more.
Anyway, new song (of many to come). Teenage Crime by Adrian Lux. Perfect for the current climate, and the theme song for Channel V's current ad. But I love it to pieces. A little piece of advice: If you feel like now is the time to call someone up after forever, DO it. You might find what you were looking for. You might not, I make no guarantees. But you won't lose anything.
I'm starting to step into the 'anything is possible' tornado and just seeing where that takes me. I feel like I have limited time as a young, carefree thing. I don't want to spend it in any kind of inner or outer turmoil. Life is too short for bullshit and it's far too short for games. It's too short to waste making other people happy in exchange for fake acceptance.
Time to be honest, a little reckless and to live with vitality and vibrance.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Illumination.
Today my state of carefree, summer-loving-ecstasy has been broken.
Well and truly.
And while I know that tomorrow I will again wake with hope and optimism, right now I need to bask in my own anger.
I know there is injustice in the world. I know there is a need for balance. I KNOW that I cannot change these things in my lifetime, on my own. I accept this, it no longer makes me feel depressed or hopeless or useless. But it still makes me angry. Ultimately, fuels me to grip onto my aspirations with all the strength I have. I clench my fists until nail marks are imprinted into my palms.
I was born in Kabwe Mine Hospital in Zambia, on the outskirts of Lusaka almost 20 years ago. I've had the fortune of being born to a good family, a financially stable family, two educated parents with incredible intelligence, opportunity and ability.
But if not? I would either be dead or in a state of suffering. And THAT is the reality that angers me. Lupe Fiasco described it as the rape of Africa. Settlers, colonised the countries they discovered, introduced 'progress', mined the land for all the riches they could find, and then left, leaving a history of brutality and apartheid, debris, instability and unrest.
And today when I searched for my birthplace, I found this: Kabwe- Africa's most toxic city.
Want to know why? Because years ago a massive lead-mining industry was set up. We all know the health issues associated with lead. But get this, the whole thing was completely unregulated until 1997- 3 years after the industry was shut down. And so now, all that's left is soil contamination, air pollution and children with 4-10 times the acceptable lead levels. And ok, just to clarify, the mines were government-run, so my previous rant about colonisation may not be exactly justifiable in this case BUT! The ridiculousness of the lack of regulation is.
Worse still is the lack of medical expertise available to these people, and testing resources. We live in a land of plenty. More than plenty. And I just remembered WHY I'm doing what I'm doing. And I feel stupid for my lack of awareness about these things. And sad. But mostly empowered. Reinforced empowerment.
Well and truly.
And while I know that tomorrow I will again wake with hope and optimism, right now I need to bask in my own anger.
I know there is injustice in the world. I know there is a need for balance. I KNOW that I cannot change these things in my lifetime, on my own. I accept this, it no longer makes me feel depressed or hopeless or useless. But it still makes me angry. Ultimately, fuels me to grip onto my aspirations with all the strength I have. I clench my fists until nail marks are imprinted into my palms.
I was born in Kabwe Mine Hospital in Zambia, on the outskirts of Lusaka almost 20 years ago. I've had the fortune of being born to a good family, a financially stable family, two educated parents with incredible intelligence, opportunity and ability.
But if not? I would either be dead or in a state of suffering. And THAT is the reality that angers me. Lupe Fiasco described it as the rape of Africa. Settlers, colonised the countries they discovered, introduced 'progress', mined the land for all the riches they could find, and then left, leaving a history of brutality and apartheid, debris, instability and unrest.
And today when I searched for my birthplace, I found this: Kabwe- Africa's most toxic city.
Want to know why? Because years ago a massive lead-mining industry was set up. We all know the health issues associated with lead. But get this, the whole thing was completely unregulated until 1997- 3 years after the industry was shut down. And so now, all that's left is soil contamination, air pollution and children with 4-10 times the acceptable lead levels. And ok, just to clarify, the mines were government-run, so my previous rant about colonisation may not be exactly justifiable in this case BUT! The ridiculousness of the lack of regulation is.
Worse still is the lack of medical expertise available to these people, and testing resources. We live in a land of plenty. More than plenty. And I just remembered WHY I'm doing what I'm doing. And I feel stupid for my lack of awareness about these things. And sad. But mostly empowered. Reinforced empowerment.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Something like a Thankyou.
I realise I am blessed.
To have a bunch of people in my life who keep me from going crazy, or delving too deep into my own head, and who give me a bit of their time and hearts. And so to all of you, my new favourite (and it's a version you haven't heard before!)
Nothing On You
Love, Love, Love and More Love!
To have a bunch of people in my life who keep me from going crazy, or delving too deep into my own head, and who give me a bit of their time and hearts. And so to all of you, my new favourite (and it's a version you haven't heard before!)
Nothing On You
Love, Love, Love and More Love!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
When your brain is fried from over-studying.
Today one of my study buddies went to the bathroom.
One hour later we realised she went to the male bathroom.
And did not realise. At all. Lucky nobody was in there with her.
Woah.
I'm just accumulating 21st stories this week.
One hour later we realised she went to the male bathroom.
And did not realise. At all. Lucky nobody was in there with her.
Woah.
I'm just accumulating 21st stories this week.
Blurred lines between Night and Morning.
Well it's 3AM and it's been a while since I've been here (3AM by Matchbox 20)
So what better to do than to write? My head is swimming in medicine, as it does for one week, every 8 weeks in a semester. And, there's a bit of music, a bit of desire and a bit of unjustified satisfaction. So i'd say aside from the slight ache in my left temple, I'm pretty content.
I think I'm going to spend the Summer, or the next year, or the rest of my life seeing what makes me tick.
It occured to me today, I'm not entirely sure what the life plan is. I mean, I could give you a fairly rough, boring draft if need be, but there's a pretty big world out there. And while I'm a pretty little person there's a lot of it I would like to see.
Something else came up in our non-study related conversation.
The soul.
What is it?
Apparently someone measured the soul's weight by weighing a person ante and post-mortem but I have a suspicion the slight difference could be due to exhalation of air.
So perhaps it's not a physical mass that we can attempt to measure.
I think Soul can be found in expression. Because it's so beyond consciousness. People find thoughts and feelings they were possibly unaware of through expression. Through music, writing, whatever passion you have that allows to you invest a small part of your being. It's important to have a driving force. Not just a talent, gift, or something you work damn hard at to do well in. Something that lets you show WHO you are.
Even if it's the way you express yourself to the people you love, which I suppose is the most important communication there is. We mostly love people for who they are. Being mistaken about them is therefore a very disappointing thing, especially once you realise you LOVE them no matter who they are. Like, the point of no return, where you're not sure if your guided by tolerance, acceptance or denial. That and falling out of love (which can occur before or after your realisations). But hey, experience means evolution right?
I've decided I don't mind making a couple non-catastrophic mistakes in my life. So long as I don't make them twice and I can eventually see the silver lining (key word here is EVENTUALLY) then it's all ok. Building up bits of knowledge, accumulating and discarding the flaws that make you a human being. Evolution in one sentence perhaps? Who knows.
Because really we don't know much, if anything at all, and some questions will always be circulating. The philosophers will think of new theories, the tenets of all religions will give their own explanations and argue and argue and argue. Maybe we should just love to the core of our stomachs. Because if anything exists it's love. Even if we all wake up one day and realise our entire existance has been a long dream or a sitcom television show. You felt what you felt no matter what.
So what better to do than to write? My head is swimming in medicine, as it does for one week, every 8 weeks in a semester. And, there's a bit of music, a bit of desire and a bit of unjustified satisfaction. So i'd say aside from the slight ache in my left temple, I'm pretty content.
I think I'm going to spend the Summer, or the next year, or the rest of my life seeing what makes me tick.
It occured to me today, I'm not entirely sure what the life plan is. I mean, I could give you a fairly rough, boring draft if need be, but there's a pretty big world out there. And while I'm a pretty little person there's a lot of it I would like to see.
Something else came up in our non-study related conversation.
The soul.
What is it?
Apparently someone measured the soul's weight by weighing a person ante and post-mortem but I have a suspicion the slight difference could be due to exhalation of air.
So perhaps it's not a physical mass that we can attempt to measure.
I think Soul can be found in expression. Because it's so beyond consciousness. People find thoughts and feelings they were possibly unaware of through expression. Through music, writing, whatever passion you have that allows to you invest a small part of your being. It's important to have a driving force. Not just a talent, gift, or something you work damn hard at to do well in. Something that lets you show WHO you are.
Even if it's the way you express yourself to the people you love, which I suppose is the most important communication there is. We mostly love people for who they are. Being mistaken about them is therefore a very disappointing thing, especially once you realise you LOVE them no matter who they are. Like, the point of no return, where you're not sure if your guided by tolerance, acceptance or denial. That and falling out of love (which can occur before or after your realisations). But hey, experience means evolution right?
I've decided I don't mind making a couple non-catastrophic mistakes in my life. So long as I don't make them twice and I can eventually see the silver lining (key word here is EVENTUALLY) then it's all ok. Building up bits of knowledge, accumulating and discarding the flaws that make you a human being. Evolution in one sentence perhaps? Who knows.
Because really we don't know much, if anything at all, and some questions will always be circulating. The philosophers will think of new theories, the tenets of all religions will give their own explanations and argue and argue and argue. Maybe we should just love to the core of our stomachs. Because if anything exists it's love. Even if we all wake up one day and realise our entire existance has been a long dream or a sitcom television show. You felt what you felt no matter what.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Ho hum.
Crave You. Flight Facilities.
The girl in the clip is both weird and hot. Pretty much perfect, I'd say. Except for the snake...
Anyway, I want her shorts.
The guy in the clip looks nice while he eats.
I think I may be a little delirious. Delirium is a funny word. Wonder what I'd be like blogging drunk.
Maybe this is due to my panadol intake?
But anyway, I like the following line from the song.
I simply want him more, because he looks the other way.
Such a conundrum.
The girl in the clip is both weird and hot. Pretty much perfect, I'd say. Except for the snake...
Anyway, I want her shorts.
The guy in the clip looks nice while he eats.
I think I may be a little delirious. Delirium is a funny word. Wonder what I'd be like blogging drunk.
Maybe this is due to my panadol intake?
But anyway, I like the following line from the song.
I simply want him more, because he looks the other way.
Such a conundrum.
Me: Who are you fb-stalking?
Person one: Mr. X
Person two: She's looking at his friends.
Person one: No! No! Our mutual friends
'Awwwww so cute! He was such a cute baby!'
'I'm actually getting freaked out...'
'Oh really? Dont be freaked out. I'm not actually like this.'
'Girls are scary.'
'she's really cute, but she hates her nose'
'Ohhhhhh she's going to make a folder of things we say and blackmail uuuuuuuuuuuuus!'
'Where are the good looking asian boys?'
'He was so cute when he was little... then he grew :( '
'that's a really nice bra'
Person one: Mr. X
Person two: She's looking at his friends.
Person one: No! No! Our mutual friends
'Awwwww so cute! He was such a cute baby!'
'I'm actually getting freaked out...'
'Oh really? Dont be freaked out. I'm not actually like this.'
'Girls are scary.'
'she's really cute, but she hates her nose'
'Ohhhhhh she's going to make a folder of things we say and blackmail uuuuuuuuuuuuus!'
'Where are the good looking asian boys?'
'He was so cute when he was little... then he grew :( '
'that's a really nice bra'
Quotes.
'Are you reeeeally going to get over him?'
'Why get over him when you can get under him....'
'I don't want to bring him down... Not yet'
'That must be hard for him'
'OOOOH! Kav! Can I use your fb to stalk Mr X?'
10 minutes of 'do you think he's cute conversation' aaaaaaand you get this:
'Fatties. Like, fatties who get buff are the best'
'Oh... HELLO! Is that a picture of Mr. X?'
'Umm... how did you pick him out of such a big photo?'
'Curly hair, but not like, weird hair.'
Oh dear.
'Why get over him when you can get under him....'
'I don't want to bring him down... Not yet'
'That must be hard for him'
'OOOOH! Kav! Can I use your fb to stalk Mr X?'
10 minutes of 'do you think he's cute conversation' aaaaaaand you get this:
'Fatties. Like, fatties who get buff are the best'
'Oh... HELLO! Is that a picture of Mr. X?'
'Umm... how did you pick him out of such a big photo?'
'Curly hair, but not like, weird hair.'
Oh dear.
Epiphanies while studying.
So. This happened 5 minutes ago.
We were discussing the lifetime of studying, work and sleep-deprivation ahead of us. And inevitably the conversation turned to juggling families on top of it all.
And ultimately what young female doctors need is this:
'A butler. Who you can have sex with.'
I have the coolest study buddy ever.
We were discussing the lifetime of studying, work and sleep-deprivation ahead of us. And inevitably the conversation turned to juggling families on top of it all.
And ultimately what young female doctors need is this:
'A butler. Who you can have sex with.'
I have the coolest study buddy ever.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Far
It's a bit ridiculous when you feel a certain way and something falls into your lap and lets you explain everything that you couldn't, gives you words and phrases with which you can then articulate all the things that hang out in your own mind.
It's been a weird 24 hours.I was pretty close to calling it quits and spending the rest of the evening beneath the covers until I could forget all the things I have to do and all the things I do not understand, all the things I need to be.
And then arrives Regina Spektor- Far.
And she pulls me into troughs, into depths I didn't know I had and then pushes me back into the sunlight and tells me to smile. I remember there are things that I forgot. And I remember there are people willing to listen to me if I ask them to. An amazing kind of love.
So here it is. Utmost respect to people who can express the things I cannot. Add in an amazing voice and musical prowess and you have a potent person. I would like to be a potent person.
So we made the hard desicion, and we each made an incision...
Saw our hearts were little stones...
so we beat them up until they sparked.
you spent half your life trying to fall behind,
your ears in your headphones, to drown out your mind
it was so easy and the words so sweet
you can't remember, you try to move your feet
the boys and girls watch each other eat
when they really just wanna watch each other sleep
hold in your breath, till you thought it through you fool
dont let me out of this kiss
dont let me say what i say
the things that scare us today
what if they happen someday
you thought by now you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you have come so far.
I wish I could have written it first. I really wish I could have.
It's been a weird 24 hours.I was pretty close to calling it quits and spending the rest of the evening beneath the covers until I could forget all the things I have to do and all the things I do not understand, all the things I need to be.
And then arrives Regina Spektor- Far.
And she pulls me into troughs, into depths I didn't know I had and then pushes me back into the sunlight and tells me to smile. I remember there are things that I forgot. And I remember there are people willing to listen to me if I ask them to. An amazing kind of love.
So here it is. Utmost respect to people who can express the things I cannot. Add in an amazing voice and musical prowess and you have a potent person. I would like to be a potent person.
So we made the hard desicion, and we each made an incision...
Saw our hearts were little stones...
so we beat them up until they sparked.
you spent half your life trying to fall behind,
your ears in your headphones, to drown out your mind
it was so easy and the words so sweet
you can't remember, you try to move your feet
the boys and girls watch each other eat
when they really just wanna watch each other sleep
hold in your breath, till you thought it through you fool
dont let me out of this kiss
dont let me say what i say
the things that scare us today
what if they happen someday
you thought by now you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you have come so far.
I wish I could have written it first. I really wish I could have.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Luxurious.
Lots of studying...
And right now, I can't help but to look forward to being 25.
Young, independant and relatively study-free.
Though I'm sure new pressures will take their toll.
But until then, listen to This. Because when I am 25, it will be my theme song.
Egyptian cotton baby ;)
And right now, I can't help but to look forward to being 25.
Young, independant and relatively study-free.
Though I'm sure new pressures will take their toll.
But until then, listen to This. Because when I am 25, it will be my theme song.
Egyptian cotton baby ;)
Monday, October 25, 2010
where is the study monster?
A rundown of my day:
-7am swim. AMAZING, though it did rain
-Lectures
-A Prac, where I was able to use sexual innuendo to succeed in a memory game and win chocolate
-An attempt at studying- we actually ate noodles and talked about Harry Potter/Pokemon
-More super times semi-studying
-Watching Boston legal and then last night's episode of Offspring (i missed it to eat incredible ice cream)
-Typing this in the dark, listening to Feel Good Inc.
-Brilliant and carefree.
Only two weeks till EOC. fml.
-7am swim. AMAZING, though it did rain
-Lectures
-A Prac, where I was able to use sexual innuendo to succeed in a memory game and win chocolate
-An attempt at studying- we actually ate noodles and talked about Harry Potter/Pokemon
-More super times semi-studying
-Watching Boston legal and then last night's episode of Offspring (i missed it to eat incredible ice cream)
-Typing this in the dark, listening to Feel Good Inc.
-Brilliant and carefree.
Only two weeks till EOC. fml.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Days, days, days.
Major salt-water spillage. And no, I did not go to the beach.
Why?
Not sure. All I know is that I am now listening to this song on repeat.
Beautiful to be home.
Seems I find myself searching for clarity. Not going to find it in salty water, that's for sure.
Why?
Not sure. All I know is that I am now listening to this song on repeat.
Beautiful to be home.
Seems I find myself searching for clarity. Not going to find it in salty water, that's for sure.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Lucas dear, why is your book-bag full of tulips?
Sooo... chilling in the library. Being productive and all.
Anyways listening to a lupe favourite. It's basically an embodiment of summer, young love and optimism, all things I have supreme adoration for. And He Gets The Girl
Med talent-quest was last night. Amazing! There are so many things people could be doing instead of Medicine. But during the intermission I met two people who had Just passed their final exams in sixth year. Firstly, I felt impressed they'd made it that far. Because I find it hard to see beyond the next exam, let alone beyond uni. We talked about how it's like going through highschool all over again, and right now I'm that little year 7 kid, mucking around and having fun before Life Gets Serious. BUT! that's important!
The luxury of time, opportunity and being surrounded by incredible people. I feel like submerging myself in textbooks right now would be something I'd regret later. OR I could just be justifying my lack of attentiveness right now :P Either way, I love youth. But I will also love being old, and having time to look back, repeating the same stories over and over again. In lectures today, this wonderful 86-year old man spoke to us about his experiences, and had an amazing sense of humour and positive outlook on life. That's a pretty good way to be.
Enjoy the sunshine, revel in the gorgeousness of being.
Kavi :)
Anyways listening to a lupe favourite. It's basically an embodiment of summer, young love and optimism, all things I have supreme adoration for. And He Gets The Girl
Med talent-quest was last night. Amazing! There are so many things people could be doing instead of Medicine. But during the intermission I met two people who had Just passed their final exams in sixth year. Firstly, I felt impressed they'd made it that far. Because I find it hard to see beyond the next exam, let alone beyond uni. We talked about how it's like going through highschool all over again, and right now I'm that little year 7 kid, mucking around and having fun before Life Gets Serious. BUT! that's important!
The luxury of time, opportunity and being surrounded by incredible people. I feel like submerging myself in textbooks right now would be something I'd regret later. OR I could just be justifying my lack of attentiveness right now :P Either way, I love youth. But I will also love being old, and having time to look back, repeating the same stories over and over again. In lectures today, this wonderful 86-year old man spoke to us about his experiences, and had an amazing sense of humour and positive outlook on life. That's a pretty good way to be.
Enjoy the sunshine, revel in the gorgeousness of being.
Kavi :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Home.
I was thinking of something to post.
And I found this. Something I wrote after my first trip to India with my mum when I was 15. Prior to that we had been to Sri Lanka. The monsoons began as we were travelling home in a little rickshaw, that promptly collected puddles of water. The whole right side of my body became drenched and the intensity of the heat finally cooled down. It was July, and we were towards the end of one of the most intense months I have ever experienced. Four years later and a part of me aches for a place I barely know. I guess that's a sense of belonging. As nomadic as my life has been, sometimes I wonder if there's a Motherland to which I belong. Some small corner where I can house a part of my soul. Here it is, entitled Monsoons.
The beauty of being drenched
In endless rain
In the midst of a hot indian sumer
In a little rickshaw
Threatening to fall to pieces
In the middle of the city of juxtaposition
Cold water seeps
through a cottong sari, clinging to
The girl, clinging to the boy on the scooter
Having lived away from home for a while now, one of the things I most miss are Saturdays. I never studied on Saturdays. I never did anything. I'd go to dance class early in the morning, and spend the rest of the day in a salwar kameez, reading newspapers, watching my mum cook/study, going for long walks, buying groceries, watching hindi movies and listening to music. I think for me, that's Home.
And now for your listening pleasure, some A.R. Rahman. A song he composed long before the success of Slumdog Millionare. Featuring Shah Rukk Khan, the nation's darling. Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera. Enjoy :)
And I found this. Something I wrote after my first trip to India with my mum when I was 15. Prior to that we had been to Sri Lanka. The monsoons began as we were travelling home in a little rickshaw, that promptly collected puddles of water. The whole right side of my body became drenched and the intensity of the heat finally cooled down. It was July, and we were towards the end of one of the most intense months I have ever experienced. Four years later and a part of me aches for a place I barely know. I guess that's a sense of belonging. As nomadic as my life has been, sometimes I wonder if there's a Motherland to which I belong. Some small corner where I can house a part of my soul. Here it is, entitled Monsoons.
The beauty of being drenched
In endless rain
In the midst of a hot indian sumer
In a little rickshaw
Threatening to fall to pieces
In the middle of the city of juxtaposition
Cold water seeps
through a cottong sari, clinging to
The girl, clinging to the boy on the scooter
Having lived away from home for a while now, one of the things I most miss are Saturdays. I never studied on Saturdays. I never did anything. I'd go to dance class early in the morning, and spend the rest of the day in a salwar kameez, reading newspapers, watching my mum cook/study, going for long walks, buying groceries, watching hindi movies and listening to music. I think for me, that's Home.
And now for your listening pleasure, some A.R. Rahman. A song he composed long before the success of Slumdog Millionare. Featuring Shah Rukk Khan, the nation's darling. Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera. Enjoy :)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Things I Learnt Today.
1. Sometimes it's better to just sleep, wake up late, and then start the day. Two extra hours seems to make a big difference to mood, food consumption and alertness.
2. I dont know how I used to carry heavy textbooks + laptop to school and back... My back hurts. I should probably see a physio.
3. The 'hang up!' 'No you hang up first' conversation may be silly and cliche, but it will invariably happen. Unless the other person needs to use the bathroom.
4. My 13-year old self was pretty cool, and had decent taste in music. I found the lyrics to this song in my email drafts... how random is that? I was probably love sick at the time, though I can't remember who the guy was. Looking back, I was such a dreamy kid. I guess in some ways, that hasn't really changed.
5. I really like anatomy. Like, for the first time I wasn't freaked out by the cadavers and now have new ambitions/interest. Yay!
6. Just because a reference text is big and formidable-looking, does not mean it contains relevant information.
7. Sydney has grown on me.
8. I have immediate love for people who feed me. Particularly if it's ice cream.
9. My mother is cool.
10. New perspectives are interesting. I have always equated respect with love. And I always believed that without respecting someone it was difficult to love them. But then I was forced to examine my life more closely, and ultimately you love people just because you do, and regardless of the mistakes they make. The key is, their choices might frustrate you, and on occassion it isn't worth sticking around to see the downfall. It just depends on how important they are to you. Again, that's kind of open to interpretation and evaluation depending on the dire-ness of said mistakes, but all lines become blurry when love is thrown into the mix.
11. It's important to pull your head out of the sand to look at the bigger picture.
12. I love seeing couples travelling home together on public transport, talking about their day or even sitting in silence. I'm pretty sure, at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the feeling of coming home to someone and somewhere you can call your own.
2. I dont know how I used to carry heavy textbooks + laptop to school and back... My back hurts. I should probably see a physio.
3. The 'hang up!' 'No you hang up first' conversation may be silly and cliche, but it will invariably happen. Unless the other person needs to use the bathroom.
4. My 13-year old self was pretty cool, and had decent taste in music. I found the lyrics to this song in my email drafts... how random is that? I was probably love sick at the time, though I can't remember who the guy was. Looking back, I was such a dreamy kid. I guess in some ways, that hasn't really changed.
5. I really like anatomy. Like, for the first time I wasn't freaked out by the cadavers and now have new ambitions/interest. Yay!
6. Just because a reference text is big and formidable-looking, does not mean it contains relevant information.
7. Sydney has grown on me.
8. I have immediate love for people who feed me. Particularly if it's ice cream.
9. My mother is cool.
10. New perspectives are interesting. I have always equated respect with love. And I always believed that without respecting someone it was difficult to love them. But then I was forced to examine my life more closely, and ultimately you love people just because you do, and regardless of the mistakes they make. The key is, their choices might frustrate you, and on occassion it isn't worth sticking around to see the downfall. It just depends on how important they are to you. Again, that's kind of open to interpretation and evaluation depending on the dire-ness of said mistakes, but all lines become blurry when love is thrown into the mix.
11. It's important to pull your head out of the sand to look at the bigger picture.
12. I love seeing couples travelling home together on public transport, talking about their day or even sitting in silence. I'm pretty sure, at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the feeling of coming home to someone and somewhere you can call your own.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Patience
You're mistaken if you think
I am out here begging,
waiting for you to unlock your heavy doors
and let me in, out of the cold.
Into a room, plastered with your stupid smile
covering the walls for all to see.
Dirt and debris swept under the carpets,
hidden under cupboards and stored away in jars.
Show me the wreckage,
your scars, bloody glass fragments,
torn remnants of fragile curtains.
Lay yourself bare.
And then I can help you to clean,
rebuild, repair and begin afresh.
And if I'm mistaken tell me so
I'm not afraid of being wrong about you.
I am out here begging,
waiting for you to unlock your heavy doors
and let me in, out of the cold.
Into a room, plastered with your stupid smile
covering the walls for all to see.
Dirt and debris swept under the carpets,
hidden under cupboards and stored away in jars.
Show me the wreckage,
your scars, bloody glass fragments,
torn remnants of fragile curtains.
Lay yourself bare.
And then I can help you to clean,
rebuild, repair and begin afresh.
And if I'm mistaken tell me so
I'm not afraid of being wrong about you.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Back To You.
So, after the madness that is Medshow (which was brilliant, btw) and a day of semi-study I find the same old demons resurfacing. Oddly enough, I haven't properly listened to music in weeks. Maybe even a month.
Which, for me is pretty much unnatural. Recently a friend said to me 'you LOVE music, you revel in it, live it, it's a part of you' So perhaps I've been away from myself for a little while. And while I was gone, I experienced old fears (which is frightening, let me assure you) and came to new realisations. I had a weird morning, consisting of sleep, partial sleep, a phone call, sad sleep, and then waking up wondering if it was all a dream.
Back again at the point where I ponder. And my ultimate destination is unknown, but at some point, my mental path will traverse upon Love. What is it? Studying the brain, I can tell you where emotions originate, the areas of the brain important for abstract thought and personality, but I cannot tell you what love is made of. They say oxytocin is important. The hugging hormone released in a mother's body as her child is born, and released after sex, supposedly instrumental to emotional bonding. Obviously that's not all... physical contact is probably one of the most basic components of love, but there is strength of heart that extends beyond the human world. How do you explain people's undying faith in a cosmic force that they will never be tangible to them while they live?
God. Sometimes I'm convinced there's something out there. Because when I listen to love songs, it's not always the face of a significant other than comes before me. 'You've got the Love I need to see me through.' What does that mean for me? My mum, my best friend, my boyfriend? I'm not sure it's any of those three. For a little while I thought it meant me and my own strength, but I don't see how my own love will get me through anything. I've always believed myself to be pretty self-sufficient. It's a security you get from knowing you don't need anyone. But is that true? Really, at the core of silence, loneliness and being. Is it weak to admit you need love to feel whole? And love from who? Maybe the security that comes with faith in religion is the feeling that there is someone or something out there who loves you when nobody else does. Maybe it prevents that feeling of loneliness. And I don't mean, it's quiet and nobody is here loneliness. I mean the feeling that no matter who strays across your path, ultimately you walk through life alone and the fears in your own heart cannot be consolidated by anyone but you.
What lies as the basis of detachment? Why do I find myself with unanswerable questions. There was a time where I was happy to fill my heart and head and existence with the presence of other people, and didn't consider alternatives. But the sum of experience made me grow, for better or worse I'm not entirely sure.
If I could spend the next week, month, year, lifetime figuring it out and falling into the swirls, patterns and pictures in my head I would, but life calls. So I leave you with four things:
1. The word 'sumptuous'
2. Back To You- John Mayer
3. Don't I Hold You- Wheat
4. Gravity- Sarah Bareilles
Which, for me is pretty much unnatural. Recently a friend said to me 'you LOVE music, you revel in it, live it, it's a part of you' So perhaps I've been away from myself for a little while. And while I was gone, I experienced old fears (which is frightening, let me assure you) and came to new realisations. I had a weird morning, consisting of sleep, partial sleep, a phone call, sad sleep, and then waking up wondering if it was all a dream.
Back again at the point where I ponder. And my ultimate destination is unknown, but at some point, my mental path will traverse upon Love. What is it? Studying the brain, I can tell you where emotions originate, the areas of the brain important for abstract thought and personality, but I cannot tell you what love is made of. They say oxytocin is important. The hugging hormone released in a mother's body as her child is born, and released after sex, supposedly instrumental to emotional bonding. Obviously that's not all... physical contact is probably one of the most basic components of love, but there is strength of heart that extends beyond the human world. How do you explain people's undying faith in a cosmic force that they will never be tangible to them while they live?
God. Sometimes I'm convinced there's something out there. Because when I listen to love songs, it's not always the face of a significant other than comes before me. 'You've got the Love I need to see me through.' What does that mean for me? My mum, my best friend, my boyfriend? I'm not sure it's any of those three. For a little while I thought it meant me and my own strength, but I don't see how my own love will get me through anything. I've always believed myself to be pretty self-sufficient. It's a security you get from knowing you don't need anyone. But is that true? Really, at the core of silence, loneliness and being. Is it weak to admit you need love to feel whole? And love from who? Maybe the security that comes with faith in religion is the feeling that there is someone or something out there who loves you when nobody else does. Maybe it prevents that feeling of loneliness. And I don't mean, it's quiet and nobody is here loneliness. I mean the feeling that no matter who strays across your path, ultimately you walk through life alone and the fears in your own heart cannot be consolidated by anyone but you.
What lies as the basis of detachment? Why do I find myself with unanswerable questions. There was a time where I was happy to fill my heart and head and existence with the presence of other people, and didn't consider alternatives. But the sum of experience made me grow, for better or worse I'm not entirely sure.
If I could spend the next week, month, year, lifetime figuring it out and falling into the swirls, patterns and pictures in my head I would, but life calls. So I leave you with four things:
1. The word 'sumptuous'
2. Back To You- John Mayer
3. Don't I Hold You- Wheat
4. Gravity- Sarah Bareilles
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Natural Woman.
I have always admired women with big, pure voices. And I think this is a wonderful take on a classic song, originally sung by Aretha Franklin. Natural Woman by Mary J. Blige. I think there's a lot of power and strength in the word 'woman,' and lately it's been interesting to think of what separates girlhood and womanhood. Britney Spears seemed to be stuck somewhere in the middle... (there is so much bad music out there), but the feminine, though classically described as fragile, soft and sweet also asserts a deep sense of strength and steadiness. This reminds me of a poem I chose to analyse in Minority studies in year 11, entitled 'The woman thing', written by Audre Lorde, an incredible woman who described herself as a 'black, feminist, lesbian, poet, warrior.'
The poem is incredibly provocative and forewarning. History has not been kind to women, and certainly, the trend of the downtrodden sex continues in the world- female genital mutation, and female infanticide as prime social examples. And while I have been blessed to be given equal opportunity, whenever I asked for it, it's hard to ignore the realities of other people's existences. A lot of people look upon Feminism as a purely aggressive social revolution, aimed at hurting the collective male ego, and venting frustration upon Male-kind. But I think if you only look a little bit further, it's evident how neccessary the feminist movement was in giving women a voice and how important it continues to be in a cultures and nations that are still on the road to liberation.
I admire strong people with social conscience and willingness to make change, whether they be male or female, and I have great respect for the women AND men involved in the feminist movements of the past. This year, while voting (something I really did not want to do), I remembered how hard people have had to struggle to gain any kind of democratic rights, and I felt ashamed of myself. It's easy to get caught in middle-class morality- where those in power are solely blamed for the inadequacies of our society, but then more important to remember that we have been given opportunities to make change.
It's incredibly easy to become entangled in day-to-day life. We worry about work, success, money, our satisfaction, our relationships, our happiness, our health. After all that, who really has time to worry about the rest of the world? I've always struggled with the idea of sacrifice, often told that you can't keep everyone happy. Essentially, choose a career path (which will lead you to unknown destinations, take up your time and emotional space) or choose your family, friends, the people that love you, and focus on their happiness. Either way you're going to be a little dissatisfied, and I see no reason why you can't do both, and make it work successfully. Or at least, that's what I hope to do.
Next year, I have tentative plans to hold a screening of 'Walk to Beautiful', probably at UNSW, to raise money for Catherine Hamlin's foundation (another amazing Australian woman who has been named the Mother Theresa of our generation). Still trying to figure out the details, but in essence, it's a documentary about the lives of fistula patients in Ethiopia, and their journey to recovery, and something I've wanted to do for about a year and a half now. So, armed with inspiration and plans, I march into the week ahead!
Love, and all those other good things (like cupcakes)
Kavi :)
ps. Come to Medshow.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I love the prowess in the things that you do.
So... It's already TP4.
Where the heck did the last 6.5 months go?!
To be honest, I'm finding the prospect of 3.5 months holidays a little sad. Uni is too much fun. Especially on gorgeous, sunny days like this one. That said, 3.5 months of Summer promises road trips, time to read books, learn guitar, and grow ignorant to the stress of exams, only to be whacked across the head by heavy textbooks and terminology once again in March '11.
Back to the present for a moment. Ageings and Endings- sounds pretty depressing to say the least. But! Compared to Canberra's standards, it's pretty much Summer already, which surely makes up for it! Basically, it's ice cream weather... what could possibly be better? Studying is going to be a pain, mostly because all I want to do now is sit outside in the Sunshine and listen to happy music, such as this song: Loving You
Not many people seem to know about Paolo Nutini, I guess he didn't really hit the big time in Australia in a massive way. However!! He has a fairly sexy voice, and interestingly, is a Scottish lad with Italian heritage. You gotta love cross-cultural conjugation. I heard Jenny Don't Be Hasty a few years ago, and recently bought his first album. Listen to New Shoes, and Last Request if you like what you hear.
His lyrics aren't particularly poetic, but the way he phrases certain lines and incorporates them into rhythm and melody is pretty cool. And if you're listening to the song, hopefully the seemingly irrelevant title makes more sense. He's got a funky, jazzy thing going on. Recently, I've been thinking about music composition, something I haven't done in years, sadly. Contemplating picking up a couple theory books (ewwww) and going through chords and modulations again, just so I don't forget my stuff.
Also, last night was our first Tech Viewing for medshow, which was amazing! Though, I spent half the time watching the band, and missing our 'Burgmann Anglican School Rock Band' like crazy. It's been at least 9 months since I've had to do a souncheck and attempt to fix dodgy mics and amps. However, being involved in Medshow has been a lot of fun and given me a chance to focus on something other than Med. Which reminds me, time to sign up for Arts :D
Anyway, that's my spiel for now :) Also, yesterday was chuffed to learn that people I don't even know are readers of the blog!
Hope this teaching period proves to be satisfying and not-so-stressful.
Kavi
A particularly nice line from Jenny Dont Be Hasty- I'm deftly waiting for you to smile, and change your mind. Then I'll say I'm sorry and I'll wrap my arms around your body, I really hope you forgive in a hurry and don't just ask me to leave. Tried singing it... only sounds good with a male voice. Damn.
Where the heck did the last 6.5 months go?!
To be honest, I'm finding the prospect of 3.5 months holidays a little sad. Uni is too much fun. Especially on gorgeous, sunny days like this one. That said, 3.5 months of Summer promises road trips, time to read books, learn guitar, and grow ignorant to the stress of exams, only to be whacked across the head by heavy textbooks and terminology once again in March '11.
Back to the present for a moment. Ageings and Endings- sounds pretty depressing to say the least. But! Compared to Canberra's standards, it's pretty much Summer already, which surely makes up for it! Basically, it's ice cream weather... what could possibly be better? Studying is going to be a pain, mostly because all I want to do now is sit outside in the Sunshine and listen to happy music, such as this song: Loving You
Not many people seem to know about Paolo Nutini, I guess he didn't really hit the big time in Australia in a massive way. However!! He has a fairly sexy voice, and interestingly, is a Scottish lad with Italian heritage. You gotta love cross-cultural conjugation. I heard Jenny Don't Be Hasty a few years ago, and recently bought his first album. Listen to New Shoes, and Last Request if you like what you hear.
His lyrics aren't particularly poetic, but the way he phrases certain lines and incorporates them into rhythm and melody is pretty cool. And if you're listening to the song, hopefully the seemingly irrelevant title makes more sense. He's got a funky, jazzy thing going on. Recently, I've been thinking about music composition, something I haven't done in years, sadly. Contemplating picking up a couple theory books (ewwww) and going through chords and modulations again, just so I don't forget my stuff.
Also, last night was our first Tech Viewing for medshow, which was amazing! Though, I spent half the time watching the band, and missing our 'Burgmann Anglican School Rock Band' like crazy. It's been at least 9 months since I've had to do a souncheck and attempt to fix dodgy mics and amps. However, being involved in Medshow has been a lot of fun and given me a chance to focus on something other than Med. Which reminds me, time to sign up for Arts :D
Anyway, that's my spiel for now :) Also, yesterday was chuffed to learn that people I don't even know are readers of the blog!
Hope this teaching period proves to be satisfying and not-so-stressful.
Kavi
A particularly nice line from Jenny Dont Be Hasty- I'm deftly waiting for you to smile, and change your mind. Then I'll say I'm sorry and I'll wrap my arms around your body, I really hope you forgive in a hurry and don't just ask me to leave. Tried singing it... only sounds good with a male voice. Damn.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sadness.
In Everything is Illuminated, Brod counts 613 sadnesses. Some of them are startling. Sadness of looking in the mirror, Sadness of your parents knowing you are sad. I'm not sure I can think of 613. But there are new sadnesses I have discovered this year. I do not think sadness is a bad thing. I think it is important. It gives me another layer to add to my soul. It's part of a holistic human experience, I guess.
Genius is borne out of sadness, a lot of the time. I think I've been a little melancholy lately, but perhaps not sad. I don't seem to have time to be sad. But when I do, it can hit me like a tonne of bricks. I know a lot of people in my life who keep themselves crazily busy in a subconscious effort to ignore or avoid the things in life that make them cry. I'm not sure that it's wise to stick behind a veil all of the time. But then I guess, the last thing anyone wants is for their friends or family to see them sad. Other people's sadness is the hardest type to fix.
Sadness of:
Genius is borne out of sadness, a lot of the time. I think I've been a little melancholy lately, but perhaps not sad. I don't seem to have time to be sad. But when I do, it can hit me like a tonne of bricks. I know a lot of people in my life who keep themselves crazily busy in a subconscious effort to ignore or avoid the things in life that make them cry. I'm not sure that it's wise to stick behind a veil all of the time. But then I guess, the last thing anyone wants is for their friends or family to see them sad. Other people's sadness is the hardest type to fix.
Sadness of:
- leaving
- arriving
- morning light
- ending
- dissatisfaction
- your loved one's sadness
- missing you
- history
- the future
- dents and missing shapes
- old photographs
- losing feeling
- comforting someone in despair
- realising you have grown
- love from too many people, too close and too far away
- detachment
- resignation
- dying fires
- remembering something long gone
- waiting
- acceptance
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Just keep swimming...
Here comes the 'i should be studying but i'm not' post.
Health Maintenance has been suprisingly satisfying, and I'm actually enjoying studying for the upcoming exam. That said.... no idea how successful I will be. But it's nice to be enjoying these few days as opposed to feeling thiiiiiiis close to a myocardial infarction.
So. While going through my room-mate's iTunes I found a bunch of golden tracks I'd forgotten about, or just don't have on my computer, which made me happy. Lots of Motown and Frank Sinatra and James Morrison AND Art Blakey. Thinking, I should go to 'Basement' sometime soon... also, I need to get reacquainted with Sid and my piano. Been missing music ever since I saw that jazz quartet play outside the library for UNSW open day.
Tonight I need to memorise about 50 different drugs, and that is not even a depressing thought.
So far, life as a 19 year old is going swimmingly well. For some reason, a lot of people don't use the word swimmingly. But I think it's a good word.
I also think it's funny how much today reminded me of berry. All blue skies and gusty wind, and a very empty university. Not feeling homesick exactly, but feeling ready to go home for a few days. Also... brainstormed a trip to Vietnam over the summer... a very tantalising idea.
Hope all is well and midsems/EOC go SWIMMINGLY :D
Love.
Health Maintenance has been suprisingly satisfying, and I'm actually enjoying studying for the upcoming exam. That said.... no idea how successful I will be. But it's nice to be enjoying these few days as opposed to feeling thiiiiiiis close to a myocardial infarction.
So. While going through my room-mate's iTunes I found a bunch of golden tracks I'd forgotten about, or just don't have on my computer, which made me happy. Lots of Motown and Frank Sinatra and James Morrison AND Art Blakey. Thinking, I should go to 'Basement' sometime soon... also, I need to get reacquainted with Sid and my piano. Been missing music ever since I saw that jazz quartet play outside the library for UNSW open day.
Tonight I need to memorise about 50 different drugs, and that is not even a depressing thought.
So far, life as a 19 year old is going swimmingly well. For some reason, a lot of people don't use the word swimmingly. But I think it's a good word.
I also think it's funny how much today reminded me of berry. All blue skies and gusty wind, and a very empty university. Not feeling homesick exactly, but feeling ready to go home for a few days. Also... brainstormed a trip to Vietnam over the summer... a very tantalising idea.
Hope all is well and midsems/EOC go SWIMMINGLY :D
Love.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Frustrated sigh in words.
Ack. I feel a post coming on. Not enough time to write it. Kind of drowning in everyone's collective stress and slightly mercenary ambition. Kind of surprised I didn't see it coming.
Feeling constricted.
Need a night in my tree.
Soon enough, soon enough.
And then dog days will be over.
Feeling constricted.
Need a night in my tree.
Soon enough, soon enough.
And then dog days will be over.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Feeling Drunk With Possibility (is only good in small doses)
Having endless choices and possibilities is not necessarily a good thing.
And tonight, I figured it out. Over the past few weeks, I've been doing group work, and one of our members is this amazingly chilled-out girl who's always on top of all her work, but has a life outside of uni, and a sense of humour.
There comes a point when you reach a desicion in your life, decide to do something, and then just stick with it and do it.
And when you live alone and are responsible for yourself (which is harder than I realise), and feel drunk with possibility and want to try everything, that's hard.
But after a few weeks of putting on weight and feeling unhealthy and not sleeping and not getting enough done, I get frustrated.
So, time to try something new? Routine? Ugh. Always hated the word, it made me think my life had crossed a border and moved into Boring Lane.
But maybe if you actually get stuff done, then spontaneity and fun times can be had without guilt?
Nothing like the insane timetables I draw up and never follow (because they are devoid of fun and not humanly possible), but trying out a little bit of responsibility and finding fulfillment in the life I have ultimately chosen for myself.
Because it's sad when you have a guitar sitting alone, waiting to be played, while you sit alone, thinking of all the things you should be doing, or should have done already so you CAN play that guitar and reach new heights of musical genius. Or bake yummy things. Or call up a friend in the middle of the night to watch The Lion King, without either of you remembering your list of Things to Do that is forever growing and never being achieved.
I turn 19 in a week. Pretty sure I should get a few things up to scratch by then. Because it's hard to give the best of yourself to your relationships, and to find time to relax and have fun, if you're not giving yourself your best. We're usually so good at fulfilling our obligations to others- whether that be our student, or group members, or family, but rarely give our best for our own sake.
One week to 19... and the adventure continues... with an awesome mathematical formula:
Kavita + Med + Happiness + Amazing people - Procrastination -Uncertainty -Stress = Super times
And tonight, I figured it out. Over the past few weeks, I've been doing group work, and one of our members is this amazingly chilled-out girl who's always on top of all her work, but has a life outside of uni, and a sense of humour.
There comes a point when you reach a desicion in your life, decide to do something, and then just stick with it and do it.
And when you live alone and are responsible for yourself (which is harder than I realise), and feel drunk with possibility and want to try everything, that's hard.
But after a few weeks of putting on weight and feeling unhealthy and not sleeping and not getting enough done, I get frustrated.
So, time to try something new? Routine? Ugh. Always hated the word, it made me think my life had crossed a border and moved into Boring Lane.
But maybe if you actually get stuff done, then spontaneity and fun times can be had without guilt?
Nothing like the insane timetables I draw up and never follow (because they are devoid of fun and not humanly possible), but trying out a little bit of responsibility and finding fulfillment in the life I have ultimately chosen for myself.
Because it's sad when you have a guitar sitting alone, waiting to be played, while you sit alone, thinking of all the things you should be doing, or should have done already so you CAN play that guitar and reach new heights of musical genius. Or bake yummy things. Or call up a friend in the middle of the night to watch The Lion King, without either of you remembering your list of Things to Do that is forever growing and never being achieved.
I turn 19 in a week. Pretty sure I should get a few things up to scratch by then. Because it's hard to give the best of yourself to your relationships, and to find time to relax and have fun, if you're not giving yourself your best. We're usually so good at fulfilling our obligations to others- whether that be our student, or group members, or family, but rarely give our best for our own sake.
One week to 19... and the adventure continues... with an awesome mathematical formula:
Kavita + Med + Happiness + Amazing people - Procrastination -Uncertainty -Stress = Super times
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
English, Rahul Bose and The Jezabels.
So, UNSW Artsweek is about to kick off.
And, drowning in medical jargon and the ethics of a smoking ban, I have found solace staring at the Bachelor of Arts English courses. The more time I spend at uni, the more I have come to realise that studying English and Music in high school kept me sane. I think we all have a thing that keeps our minds clear and creative energy flowing. I have huge huge huuge respect for creative people who can think outside the box and pursue risky pathways for the sake of beauty and truth. And most of the people I have met this year are multitalented. On one hand this makes me realise, there are probably many things one can decide to dedicate their life to. But then again, what's stopping you or me or anyone from pursuing countless things that bring happiness or fulfilment.
Identity doesn't just originate from profession, or qualifications or success. And I genuinely believe that being a loving human being is more important than hitting your head when you get to the top of the ladder. There are a lot of people in this world that prioritise their lives differently, and that's fine, but often instead of getting through my List of Things To Do, I find myself in hours of conversation with people (and yes, that's partly in an effort to prolong procrastination efforts). But it's amazing how much a person will tell you if they feel you're present. And the ability to put your faith and trust into anyone is an equally amazing thing. A friend said to me 'it frightens me, being so emotionally naked.' But it's so important to feel real trust and companionship in your life. It makes days fuller, and breaks walls and hurt and deep pain that so many people bury inside them.
At the core of life are a few things; love, fear, pain, joy, and change. But like John Mayer says, The Heart Of Life is good. And I don't see how, so long as we do good and try hard and be proactive, life won't be equally good. Obviously there are those things we can't control... but waking up each day with determination is a good way to make sure you go to bed with satisfaction (George Lorimer). And having people around you who love and respect your choices and your life and pretty important too. I feel blessed for the people in my life because they make life seem tangible, they give it spark! and pizzaz and a sprinkling of condiments.
There's a guy I admire a lot, a free spirit, writer, actor and do-gooder and his name is Rahul Bose. He once did a fabulous interview and said many things I agree with and find to be inspiring, the link for which is HERE. One quote I particularly like is this: 'I live because I'm up for the next day, because I'm hoping my soul would evolve a little bit from the previous day.' I like that idea of evolution of the soul. It means we're not simply existing and doing things out of necessity, but that each day is contributing to a greater goal. I don't know what the meaning of life is, I'm not sure it can be defined, but surely getting closer to the best human being you can be is a pretty good goal, while still acknowledging the inevitable flaws and mistakes we all have/make.
And after a splurging of thoughts... today's song. 'Hurt Me' by The Jezabels.
Kavi.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tip-toe from night to morning
I miss being awake like this. In another time, this is when I would compose, music, words, anything. Nocturnality brings with it a different energy.
Living in a block of student apartments, it's rare to see the majority of lights from the rooms opposite mine turned off.
And in a city that never sleeps, rarer still to feel like you are the only one awake, experiencing the sky at it's darkest. Ungodly hours that few trespass upon on a Tuesday morning.
And as always, there is a song.
I'm not sure if it's possible for the sky to be so devoid of shades, viscous and enthralling that is seems blinding in it's darkness. But that's how it seems.
Lately I've been thinking a lot, falling into the trap of overthinking at times and this night-air clarity comes at the right time. Everyone goes through second-guessing, insomnia, sleeplessness, exhaustion, regret. We all exist in our little pools of pain, and sadness at times. Darkness has always carried with it, negative connotations, the absence of light symbolic of the absence of God. A remnant of death... a reminder perhaps that there are times when all we are enveloped by is our own uncertainty- clinging, syrupy blackness.
But darkness brings silence, and empty hours that can be filled alone, whether that be within our dreaming minds or awake amongst books and thoughts. Hours stolen during daylight interacting in the lives of others and weaving our paths closer and closer together, with the night our only time of loneliness. And sometimes you need to be alone.
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in a garden
No more dreaming like a girl, so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl, so in love with the wrong world.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Prince and Princess.
Ok. So I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in bed, sleeping or studying. But I just came across an old song that I love. Love love love. To the point where I have listened to it on repeat on several occasions. I also have a wonderful room-mate with an equally wonderful boyfriend and together they make up one of the cutest couples I have ever seen (and this song reminds me of them). And I realise it sounds like I'm gushing, but, I spent the whole day feeling sick and useless and this is a welcome change. So, topics of the night: John Legend and 'The art of romance' (in films)
John Legend is an underrated gem... he writes some of the most beautiful, uplifting music with accompanying lyrics that are sweet, simple and realistic. Take 'Ordinary people' for example. It's honest, he doesn't pretend relationships run smoothly like electric trains. But at the same time, it's romantic.
The song I've been listening to is 'Each day gets better' (also, if ever you see a song name, it's a link to Youtube. Which reminds me of the funniest chem class I ever had, involving two dumb boys, a U-tube and a faulty tap, but that's a different story) I pretty much love all of it, except the bridge. Which is odd for me, because I'm usually a person who will listen to an entire song just for the bridge.
Now... on to romance. See, the unfortunate thing is, the term has become part of the definition of 'cheesy' because of all the sucky 'romance novels' and 'romantic comedies' (though, there are a whole bunch of rom-coms that I love, I won't lie).
A list of movie romances:
1. Jack and Rose standing at the stern of the boat with Celine Dion serenading them into a passionate love affair with a catastrophic end (I was on a boat yesterday. The stern is where the smokers go. Yay for passive smoking. Damn you Hollywood!!!! *shakes fist*)
2. Crazy intense I-I-I-I WILL AAAALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU type of romance(Whitney Houston has an impressive larynx) Which I'm not so sure about... on one hand it kind of feaks me out, but on the other I have to wonder if everybody goes through a little bit of it? ie. Romeo and Juliet, or Moulin Rouge
3. Odd/Funny romance- I'm thinking guitars, poetry, tic-tacs in the mail (anything from Juno), m'n'm pizzas (the princess diaries) random things that nobody understands (but not weird, creepy things)
4. Teenage backseat/in the hallways/infuriating parents/raucous parties/nerds and jocks/excessive hormones romance (that isnt really romance at all) that should never leave high school (and should really not be made anymore because there are too many crappy ones to choose from already)
5. Bollywood romance. It used to be drama, music, drama, music, fancy clothes, sincere and uncomplicated love. But's it's evolved over the years to something pretty tangible and realistic. Watch 'Wake up Sid' for a good example. Arthouse Bollywood is amazing and completely different but I'll have to dedicate a post to that later. PS. One of my favourite scenes EVER is from Monsoon Wedding, when the builder/decorator gives the maid a heart made from marigolds. They are the greatest couple in that movie.
6. Classics- Notting Hill, Pretty Woman, My best friend's wedding (woah that's a lot of Julia Roberts), The Wedding Singer, When Harry Met Sally
And that's my list for now. The truth is, I'm exhausted and this cold is catching up with me again and draining any mental dexterity I had left. A day of movie marathon-ing and chilli-hot chocolates would be great, but... not possible. Sigh.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better!
Kavi :)
John Legend is an underrated gem... he writes some of the most beautiful, uplifting music with accompanying lyrics that are sweet, simple and realistic. Take 'Ordinary people' for example. It's honest, he doesn't pretend relationships run smoothly like electric trains. But at the same time, it's romantic.
The song I've been listening to is 'Each day gets better' (also, if ever you see a song name, it's a link to Youtube. Which reminds me of the funniest chem class I ever had, involving two dumb boys, a U-tube and a faulty tap, but that's a different story) I pretty much love all of it, except the bridge. Which is odd for me, because I'm usually a person who will listen to an entire song just for the bridge.
Now... on to romance. See, the unfortunate thing is, the term has become part of the definition of 'cheesy' because of all the sucky 'romance novels' and 'romantic comedies' (though, there are a whole bunch of rom-coms that I love, I won't lie).
A list of movie romances:
1. Jack and Rose standing at the stern of the boat with Celine Dion serenading them into a passionate love affair with a catastrophic end (I was on a boat yesterday. The stern is where the smokers go. Yay for passive smoking. Damn you Hollywood!!!! *shakes fist*)
2. Crazy intense I-I-I-I WILL AAAALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU type of romance(Whitney Houston has an impressive larynx) Which I'm not so sure about... on one hand it kind of feaks me out, but on the other I have to wonder if everybody goes through a little bit of it? ie. Romeo and Juliet, or Moulin Rouge
3. Odd/Funny romance- I'm thinking guitars, poetry, tic-tacs in the mail (anything from Juno), m'n'm pizzas (the princess diaries) random things that nobody understands (but not weird, creepy things)
4. Teenage backseat/in the hallways/infuriating parents/raucous parties/nerds and jocks/excessive hormones romance (that isnt really romance at all) that should never leave high school (and should really not be made anymore because there are too many crappy ones to choose from already)
5. Bollywood romance. It used to be drama, music, drama, music, fancy clothes, sincere and uncomplicated love. But's it's evolved over the years to something pretty tangible and realistic. Watch 'Wake up Sid' for a good example. Arthouse Bollywood is amazing and completely different but I'll have to dedicate a post to that later. PS. One of my favourite scenes EVER is from Monsoon Wedding, when the builder/decorator gives the maid a heart made from marigolds. They are the greatest couple in that movie.
6. Classics- Notting Hill, Pretty Woman, My best friend's wedding (woah that's a lot of Julia Roberts), The Wedding Singer, When Harry Met Sally
And that's my list for now. The truth is, I'm exhausted and this cold is catching up with me again and draining any mental dexterity I had left. A day of movie marathon-ing and chilli-hot chocolates would be great, but... not possible. Sigh.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better!
Kavi :)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Lead me into a thundering crescendo
Life is kicking off.
Someone handed me a pair of wings, I can't even tell you when, but I find myself attempting flight. I'm incredibly shaky... often I feel like I lose control, or my engines shut down and I come dangerously close to colliding with the stable earth.
Good music to listen to in this state of mind- Florence and the Machine (click on it! It's a link :D ). Her voice blows me away, and the melody always leads into a climax... and I swear my heart starts to beat faster and faster. In fact, I'd be willing to take out my gorgeous new Steth just to make sure :)
But anyway. There's a new crazy feeling. I think, an awareness of being alive. Not sure if this has arisen from listening to the sound of people's hearts beating... it probably has. If anything, Med has taught me just how hard our bodies work to keep us alive... so why not live?
Unfortunately there are always constraints... like duty, compromise, the need for money, not having unlimited freedom, and society's expectations. But you know what? I don't think I care. And I know, it's going to be put down to the Youth Insanity Streak, but at least when I look back, I will know I lived with passion. And I don't mean freedom in the sense where I live wild, without conscience or basic conscientiousness. My mother always told me something her father told her: Freedom does not mean freedom of the wild ass. And today perhaps I understand what that means. For me that means, it's not freedom to stay out all night, get intoxicated/high/inebriated/unconscious, challenge anything and everything because you can, or act without due thought.
It's having the luxury of time, the freedom to be anything you want to, and a chance to take the world in your hands and give it new shape. It's feeling drunk with possibility. I might be naively idealistic, but I do think our generation has the power to generate change. And I think it's important to have that hope, otherwise we may as well commit ourselves to dissatisfaction and settling for second best. Well, I say no. I don't want second-best. I want to look out the window and look into the world and feel empowered. And I may well come out on the other side, bitter and cynical. But I'll be damned if I start out that way.
Ultimately, I'm going to take a leap, and hope my wings can hold me up, long enough for me to feel what it is to Fly.
This one's for you Laura :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Mr. Mayer's Musical Magic.
Well this one has been a long time coming, and I fully intended to write a post about Home and holidays. But there have been a lot of thoughts buzzing around in my mind lately, and if there's anything I dislike it's that feeling of confusion. It starts stagnant, then begins to boil and become volatile.
Clarity. It's a beautiful word and a beautiful song by John Mayer (who I am going to talk about properly soon!)
Ever since I was a young kid, I've stayed awake at night to write my senseless thoughts on pieces of paper, scraps, receipts, anything really. There were times I wrote on my own arms, to remind myself of something that felt incredibly important in the morning. I can imagine being given a bare room and filling the walls with words and colours and expression. It may sound silly, but I often wish I could express the sound of music, and the way melodies and harmonies can change how I feel.
Which brings me to John Mayer. I know, I know, for all intents and purposes, he is believed to be a 'douche,' and has done a lot of things that can be described as stupid. And while I have wondered around before, profusely promising anyone that would listen, that one day I would marry him, my perspective has changed. And not because of the disasterous Playboy interview...
It occured to me, Love isn't wanting to be with someone because you idolise them, or because they can express what you're thinking or feeling. It's not even that feeling of intense connection because two people have shared similar experiences, though that helps to understand others.
And I guess that's what I think love is. The ability to understand someone, their fears, irrationalities, hopes, sadness, despair. To even understand that they don't want you, didn't, couldn't or can't. Or that once they've had their time with you, they may well walk out of your life, and that you will have to accept that.
I'm not a Buddhist, but there's a lot of sense behind the whole idea of detachment, detached love and kindness. I used to think this branch of thought was just Cold. How can you Love someone, and look upon them with detachment, without feeling intense hurt, or pain, or even joy? For now the answer is, because that makes Love. Chances are my mind will change again, or I'll discover some other explanation. It's not too important, because everyone knows, nobody knows what love really is. I can however, quite happily say that I have known love. We have been good friends. We've had fantastic arguments, and we've built walls and avoided each other. There's been a lot of doubt. But Love is always there.
And the reason I admire (Note: admire, not love, or lust over, or secretly want in my bedroom) John Mayer is because he has that ability to express things beautifully in his words and his song. And that's something I truly truly wish I could sit and dedicate my life to developing and fine-tuning. Unfortunately, thus far life hasn't granted me the chance to sit in a recording studio and make enough money to put bread (or rice) on the table. That's not to say, I may not just wake up one day and choose a fork in the road. However, Life has given me plenty of other, wonderful things. And when I hear music, particularly Mr. Mayer's I am reminded that beauty exists, and that no matter how loud the buzzing is inside my mind, moments of clarity, and freedom, and happiness are around the corner.
As I sit here typing this, I have been listening to my favourite Musician. And as always, he leaves me feeling content and hopeful. I like that :) And so dear reader, I plan on sleeping now, having drained my mind of tonight's thoughts. If you are curious about Mr. Mayer's Musical Magic, ask me and I shall link a few songs that are not well-known but wonderful nonetheless.
Goodnight :)
A quote I quite like: 'Approach Love and Cooking with Wreckless Abandon' The Dalai Lama
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Houses
Well, the world cup is over.
But, I am not a sports fanatic or enthusiast, so that's not of much interest. There are some things about sport I do like though, namely, magical fortune-telling octopus' and how sport brings people together, acts as a kind of glue, of shared passion or ambition. Watching Invictus made me gain a new appreciation for Rugby...which is actually an amazing feat. I also loved Coach Carter, but that could have had something to do with the fact that they quoted Nelson Mandela, and that's one of my favourite quotes to date.
I guess Music acts the same way, as do books, films, ideals, religion, hopes, dreams, despair and grief. The basis of all our relationships, are shared interests, ideas, beliefs and actions. Sometimes you find enough things in common, to create a big concrete foundation. And then we build our house of dreams. But anyone that's been in property development knows, it's not viable to invest into too many places at once. Not if you want quality.
So we build a few houses in our lifetime. And sometimes things go horribly wrong. Like, just as the roof-tiles are going up, some madman comes around with a huge chainsaw and cuts the supporting beams into teeny tiny wedges, so the whole house sits on an awkward slant, or falls to pieces.
And at this point, you may be wondering, what's with the House simile?? For about two years, the house next door to ours has been under construction... A great big house. And for years, I've thought about the importance of Foundations. At my high-school, we used to celebrate the day the foundations of the first building of our school were laid, about 11 years ago. Foundation Day. And I think that may even be more important than celebrating the day the buildings were completed.
Because once you create a Foundation, your intentions are clear. And so long as they're strong and straight and made from good materials, that same madman can come around with his axe again and again, and you'll still be able to rebuild. Torrential floods can sweep away your furniture and light-fittings and turn it all into debris, but those are just the additional things. And so, when it comes to the day that I have to go and choose bricks, and tiles, and wallpaper, you may well see me sitting on the ground admiring a bag of concrete.
Love, Kavi
PS. Over the past few days I've been running around with a camera, taking photos to show you my beautiful Canberran life. Look out for the next post :)
But, I am not a sports fanatic or enthusiast, so that's not of much interest. There are some things about sport I do like though, namely, magical fortune-telling octopus' and how sport brings people together, acts as a kind of glue, of shared passion or ambition. Watching Invictus made me gain a new appreciation for Rugby...which is actually an amazing feat. I also loved Coach Carter, but that could have had something to do with the fact that they quoted Nelson Mandela, and that's one of my favourite quotes to date.
I guess Music acts the same way, as do books, films, ideals, religion, hopes, dreams, despair and grief. The basis of all our relationships, are shared interests, ideas, beliefs and actions. Sometimes you find enough things in common, to create a big concrete foundation. And then we build our house of dreams. But anyone that's been in property development knows, it's not viable to invest into too many places at once. Not if you want quality.
So we build a few houses in our lifetime. And sometimes things go horribly wrong. Like, just as the roof-tiles are going up, some madman comes around with a huge chainsaw and cuts the supporting beams into teeny tiny wedges, so the whole house sits on an awkward slant, or falls to pieces.
And at this point, you may be wondering, what's with the House simile?? For about two years, the house next door to ours has been under construction... A great big house. And for years, I've thought about the importance of Foundations. At my high-school, we used to celebrate the day the foundations of the first building of our school were laid, about 11 years ago. Foundation Day. And I think that may even be more important than celebrating the day the buildings were completed.
Because once you create a Foundation, your intentions are clear. And so long as they're strong and straight and made from good materials, that same madman can come around with his axe again and again, and you'll still be able to rebuild. Torrential floods can sweep away your furniture and light-fittings and turn it all into debris, but those are just the additional things. And so, when it comes to the day that I have to go and choose bricks, and tiles, and wallpaper, you may well see me sitting on the ground admiring a bag of concrete.
Love, Kavi
PS. Over the past few days I've been running around with a camera, taking photos to show you my beautiful Canberran life. Look out for the next post :)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunshine
Lupe Fiasco- Sunshine
It's been a whole four months since I left home and entered the 'Big Bad World', and four months since I lived like the sheltered highschool kid I used to be. And so, today, on the eve of my first semester, I figure it's a good time to evaluate Life as a young, independant Med student. And in my typical fashion, I'm going to do it with lyrics, mostly Lupe, because he's mostly what I listened to this Semester.
What I've learnt:
You've gotta be calm, you gotta be cool, you gotta stay together.
Because, when you're trying to memorise what feels like an ENDLESS stream of facts and tiny details AND keep your life on track AND take care of yourself AND not become a total recluse, it pays to breathe.
Junk food tastes so good, because it's bad for you.
It's so true. And it's so tempting. And with nobody to hide bad, yummy things away from me anymore (and no little brother to eat everything in sight), that one took willpower.
Everybody Hurts Sometimes.
Remembering that is important in not losing perspective. Things could always be better, but they could definitely be worse. And it reminds me of something Amanda always says 'We're all battling our own demons. Who's to say yours are bigger than mine?'
But then. I also think, the number of Angels far outweighs the number of Demons. Including the Angels in training.
You're my sure fire, superstar, sure shy, firecracker, extravaganza, fantastic, super-size with extra cheeeeese. yes indeed.
I'd do it all again
Looking back on everything that went right and wrong... I don't think there's anything I would change. Because the small stupidities amount to something, eventually. Sometimes it takes longer than expected.
Hood's where the Heart is. Nerd's where the word's from. Don't represent Either, because I merged them.
Running around label-less is fun. And I feel like my life is pretty nicely mixed too. I also love the anonymity of the big city (with the knowledge that I can go home, walk down the street and see at least 3 people I know and love).
And that's it for now, I have hours of missed sleep to catch up on, and my eyes refuse to give into me tonight. There shall me more :) Next post from Berryland, where the air is crisp, the water tastes nice, but the drummers are not the same.
Holiday your hearts out. 'I'm ready for the weekend'
Kavi
It's been a whole four months since I left home and entered the 'Big Bad World', and four months since I lived like the sheltered highschool kid I used to be. And so, today, on the eve of my first semester, I figure it's a good time to evaluate Life as a young, independant Med student. And in my typical fashion, I'm going to do it with lyrics, mostly Lupe, because he's mostly what I listened to this Semester.
What I've learnt:
You've gotta be calm, you gotta be cool, you gotta stay together.
Because, when you're trying to memorise what feels like an ENDLESS stream of facts and tiny details AND keep your life on track AND take care of yourself AND not become a total recluse, it pays to breathe.
Junk food tastes so good, because it's bad for you.
It's so true. And it's so tempting. And with nobody to hide bad, yummy things away from me anymore (and no little brother to eat everything in sight), that one took willpower.
Everybody Hurts Sometimes.
Remembering that is important in not losing perspective. Things could always be better, but they could definitely be worse. And it reminds me of something Amanda always says 'We're all battling our own demons. Who's to say yours are bigger than mine?'
But then. I also think, the number of Angels far outweighs the number of Demons. Including the Angels in training.
You're my sure fire, superstar, sure shy, firecracker, extravaganza, fantastic, super-size with extra cheeeeese. yes indeed.
I'd do it all again
Looking back on everything that went right and wrong... I don't think there's anything I would change. Because the small stupidities amount to something, eventually. Sometimes it takes longer than expected.
Hood's where the Heart is. Nerd's where the word's from. Don't represent Either, because I merged them.
Running around label-less is fun. And I feel like my life is pretty nicely mixed too. I also love the anonymity of the big city (with the knowledge that I can go home, walk down the street and see at least 3 people I know and love).
And that's it for now, I have hours of missed sleep to catch up on, and my eyes refuse to give into me tonight. There shall me more :) Next post from Berryland, where the air is crisp, the water tastes nice, but the drummers are not the same.
Holiday your hearts out. 'I'm ready for the weekend'
Kavi
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A real live wire.
Well. I have no staying power.
(though, after spending the whole damn day inside a library that was filled to the brim with fellow dedicated students, I feel I deserve this much)
It was sunny, blue-skied and beautiful today.
And while studying, I listened to a few things:
1. The sound of typing
2. The frequent sighs of frustrated nerds
3. A few lectures on Embryo (I'm still stuck there)
4. Corinne Bailey Rae (Her new album still blows my mind and I've had it for a while now)
5. 'I need you now' by Lady Antebellum (about 20 times)
6. The guy opposite me shuffling his feet and furiously whispering his notes out loud in an attempt to memorise them
But anyway this cacophony of sound reminded me of an interesting musician I studied in high-school. John Cage. A pioneer in experimental music, he has very different ideas about what constitutes music, and appreciating the musical quality of everyday sounds. He applies Zen Buddhism to music too, especially a piece called 4'33.
The pianist sat down and close the piano lid. He then opened it. Then repeated that twice. And that was it- a piece made up of silence! There have also been performances of the piece with full orchestra- here! It's actually pretty odd to watch all the performers, looking ready to play, and then relaxing/coughing in between movements.
So I know this all sounds crazy, like that guy who painted a canvas white and sold it for some crazy amount (clearly I'm factually sound). But the beauty of his music is in the concept. During that 4 and a half minutes, the audience created sounds. Some coughed, sniffled, shuffled their feet, maybe even leaned over and chuckled in the ear of the person they sat next to. Inadvertent sounds that we make without thinking. And like any other piece of music, everyone heard it differently, yet all were linked, in the sense that they all experienced a performance.
As part of his experimenting, John Cage also threw nuts and bolts into pianos, to change how the keys were struck as the piano was played. He used the sound of water and movement and even breath to create music.
(though, after spending the whole damn day inside a library that was filled to the brim with fellow dedicated students, I feel I deserve this much)
It was sunny, blue-skied and beautiful today.
And while studying, I listened to a few things:
1. The sound of typing
2. The frequent sighs of frustrated nerds
3. A few lectures on Embryo (I'm still stuck there)
4. Corinne Bailey Rae (Her new album still blows my mind and I've had it for a while now)
5. 'I need you now' by Lady Antebellum (about 20 times)
6. The guy opposite me shuffling his feet and furiously whispering his notes out loud in an attempt to memorise them
But anyway this cacophony of sound reminded me of an interesting musician I studied in high-school. John Cage. A pioneer in experimental music, he has very different ideas about what constitutes music, and appreciating the musical quality of everyday sounds. He applies Zen Buddhism to music too, especially a piece called 4'33.
The pianist sat down and close the piano lid. He then opened it. Then repeated that twice. And that was it- a piece made up of silence! There have also been performances of the piece with full orchestra- here! It's actually pretty odd to watch all the performers, looking ready to play, and then relaxing/coughing in between movements.
So I know this all sounds crazy, like that guy who painted a canvas white and sold it for some crazy amount (clearly I'm factually sound). But the beauty of his music is in the concept. During that 4 and a half minutes, the audience created sounds. Some coughed, sniffled, shuffled their feet, maybe even leaned over and chuckled in the ear of the person they sat next to. Inadvertent sounds that we make without thinking. And like any other piece of music, everyone heard it differently, yet all were linked, in the sense that they all experienced a performance.
As part of his experimenting, John Cage also threw nuts and bolts into pianos, to change how the keys were struck as the piano was played. He used the sound of water and movement and even breath to create music.
If you think this guy is a complete nutter, I suppose I don't blame you. But if anything, it shows how, by changing the way we think and perceive the world around us, something as commonplace as the sound of a sneeze, can become music to your ears.
I guess Perception is a pretty significant idea in my life. And everyone's heard the whole 'glass half full' thing, but I do believe that to a certain extent, life and the difficulties that come with it, are only as bad as you perceive them to be.
So to everyone, good luck with exams! And, from Corinne Bailey Rae's album, listen to 'Are you Here,' about her late husband Jason Rae. I love the first verse:
He's a real live wire,
He's the best of his kind,
Wait till you see those Eyes
He dresses like this different scene,
He'll kiss you, make you feel sixteen
What's it even mean?
Love, Kavi
P.S. (I learnt how to link vids! Yay! Thanks James :D )
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Tick-worthy
There's a song by Lupe Fiasco 'And he gets the Girl', which includes this line:
'And I was thinking, that I might walk to her, try and talk to her, discuss different things that were taught to her, and see what makes her tick.' Because I love Lupe, (and my brain is about to explode) I made a list.
Guitar riffs,
dappled sunshine,
bright blue skies,
lingering goodbyes
Shy smiles,
street lights in the evening,
the colour of trees,
the size of the sea
Knowing the important people in your life
are going to stick around
at least until tomorrow, and maybe
the day after that too
The feeling of arriving home.
The familiarity of old photographs
Ice cream.
Listening to the same song, again
and again
and again (x3)
Disney movies
Smart lyrics
(spectacles)
Fiasco :)
Old books that are yellowed
New books that smell like
rebirth.
(http://readtheprintedword.org/)
Feeling inspired
Clarity
Happy memories
Writing
Getting lost
Dark Chocolate
Being Daring
Travelling
Belonging everywhere and nowhere
The world being my Oyster (but not oysters themselves so much)
Dark Green
Love.
'
'And I was thinking, that I might walk to her, try and talk to her, discuss different things that were taught to her, and see what makes her tick.' Because I love Lupe, (and my brain is about to explode) I made a list.
Guitar riffs,
dappled sunshine,
bright blue skies,
lingering goodbyes
Shy smiles,
street lights in the evening,
the colour of trees,
the size of the sea
Knowing the important people in your life
are going to stick around
at least until tomorrow, and maybe
the day after that too
The feeling of arriving home.
The familiarity of old photographs
Ice cream.
Listening to the same song, again
and again
and again (x3)
Disney movies
Smart lyrics
(spectacles)
Fiasco :)
Old books that are yellowed
New books that smell like
rebirth.
(http://readtheprintedword.org/)
Feeling inspired
Clarity
Happy memories
Writing
Getting lost
Dark Chocolate
Being Daring
Travelling
Belonging everywhere and nowhere
The world being my Oyster (but not oysters themselves so much)
Dark Green
Love.
'
Blogging > Studying
I have an exam in a matter of days, and my two options tonight seemed to be:
1. Study Embryology
2. Start a blog
So, hello to you cyberspace. Not the most internet savvy person, I discovered blogs only very recently, when some friends decided to reveal their own writing talents. I loved the language, the witty to-the-point humour, and their ability to talk about their lives and interests in a few, fascinating paragraphs!
And here I am, braving a new world. Being a bit of a dreamer, my posts might ramble on a bit, but in no time I will learn the refined art of blogging, and have you in stitches in a few short lines. That is, assuming 'You' exist :)
Just in case you do, I should introduce myself. I'm a first year Med student (something that takes up a lot of my time) who loves Literature, Music, Film, Food and Adventure (things I don't have adequate time for!) A new addition to Australia's largest city- Sydney, I wanted a little outlet to write about new experiences, and share with you music, films, poetry, rambles on life, and anything else that comes to mind.
Before I go, and get back to memorising the process of Gastrulation, I thought I'd leave you with a new song I was introduced to today.
Bella by Angus and Julia Stone. It's beautiful, simple, and the lyrics are gorgeous. The kind of song that can transport you to a different place. www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIQo2m69BT8
1. Study Embryology
2. Start a blog
So, hello to you cyberspace. Not the most internet savvy person, I discovered blogs only very recently, when some friends decided to reveal their own writing talents. I loved the language, the witty to-the-point humour, and their ability to talk about their lives and interests in a few, fascinating paragraphs!
And here I am, braving a new world. Being a bit of a dreamer, my posts might ramble on a bit, but in no time I will learn the refined art of blogging, and have you in stitches in a few short lines. That is, assuming 'You' exist :)
Just in case you do, I should introduce myself. I'm a first year Med student (something that takes up a lot of my time) who loves Literature, Music, Film, Food and Adventure (things I don't have adequate time for!) A new addition to Australia's largest city- Sydney, I wanted a little outlet to write about new experiences, and share with you music, films, poetry, rambles on life, and anything else that comes to mind.
Before I go, and get back to memorising the process of Gastrulation, I thought I'd leave you with a new song I was introduced to today.
Bella by Angus and Julia Stone. It's beautiful, simple, and the lyrics are gorgeous. The kind of song that can transport you to a different place. www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIQo2m69BT8
Hope that works! Being the novice that I am, I can't seem to copy and paste the url into this, so I typed it out. Have a wonderful week! Probably won't post again until after the exam (though I know I will be tempted to).
Love, Kavi
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